My Little Monsters
(text only)
1) [image – weird clock face featuring a worm (1), flea (3), sick (6), chicken(7), plate(8), slime (9), elf(11), wolf(12), etc]
It was half past worm in the middle of the night and everyone was sound asleep.
2) Piggy was dreaming of snuffling for chocolate,
Monster Dad - of singing potatoes,
Mama was dreaming of faraway places
And Perogie – well nobody knew what Perogie dreamt about,
he was only a baby monster, a sweet little, slimy little, cuddly little baby monster.
3) All was calm, all was right,
when a horrible high-pitched "WAAAAAAAAH"
burst out of sweet little Perogie’s mouth.
It shot through the air, bouncing off the walls; it lunged around the corner and into his mom and dad’s bedroom.
4) Mama Dragon would stretch her wings, climb out of bed, go pick him up, and bring him into bed with her. Monster Dad would roll over and mutter: "You little monster," then try and go back to sleep. _
Same thing, every night.
5) Early in the morning, every morning, Piggy would wake up,
stomp to the bathroom for an early morning pee,
then clomp into her parents’ bedroom and climb on top of her dad.
"You little monster," muttered her dad, as she wrapped herself around his arm and fell back to sleep.
Monster Dad just lay there listening to Mama Dragon snoring, Perogie wheezing and Piggy monster snuffling. "You’re all monsters," he grunted and finally, he too fell asleep.
6) Two minutes later their pet bats, Pippi & Stella, would fly into the bedroom squealing:
"Feeeeed meeeee, feeed meeee!"
Mama Dragon and Monster Dad would both wake up, snarling "You little monsters!" and throw socks and slippers and slime at the bats to chase them out of the room.
7) By chicken o’clock everyone was awake, so they all went down to breakfast.
Piggy and Perogie were allowed to feed the bats a little scoop of bat-food from a great big tin. Every morning they’d fight over who would use the red scoop and who would use the blue scoop.
They gave each bat a bowl of brown pellets, which looked like flies, but were actually made of rice and dead frogs.
8) Stella was a bit of a scaredy-bat and would wait until the monsters had gone before she started eating. Every morning, just as she felt brave enough to eat her breakfast, Perogie would jump off his chair and chase her round the kitchen shouting "raaaaaar, raaaaaar!"
"Get back on your chair, you little monster," roared Dad.
"Ok Dada," said Perogie meekly and he climbed back up and nibbled his cereals, a yummy mixture of crunchy bugs and raisins.
9) 3 seconds later, Piggy would start squealing: "I don’t like bugs! I want toast!"
"I beg your pardon!" roared Monster Dad.
"Toast pleeeeeease Dada."
"Little monster," muttered Dad, putting butter on her toast.
"Not butter, slime-marine!!!" screamed Piggy.
"Ok," said Dad, pretending to spread slime-marine on her toast.
"And Moldmite!"… "Please?"
Monster Dad dolloped on the black sticky goo and cut the toast into 4 little squares.
"Not squares, triangles!" screeched Piggy.
"Raaaaaaar!" roared the dad and poured himself a cup of hot black coffee, which always seemed to make him angrier.
10) Every morning after breakfast they went to Cheyenne and Charlene’s Country & Western Daycare.
Do you know how they got there?
You do?
How?
Of course. On the big red Monster Bus.
Except when it was really sunny and Mama Dragon was home, in which case they’d … well you know, they’d …
11) Fly! [full page image: little monsters on flying Mama Dragon]
12) But this month Mama Dragon was away on one of her long trips, half way round the world. Piggy & Perogie were all alone with their Dad, which was horrible.
And great fun.
And horrible, especially if he roared at them.
… …
13) It was chicken o’clock at night and Piggy & Perogie were eating their supper,
which tasted dee-licious. Hot, sticky snail shells with blood sauce and extra stinky parmesan cheese. Yum!
Perogie had trouble keeping them on his spoon and every time he dropped one, Pippi the pet bat swooped under the table and gobbled it up.
14) It was half past plate and Piggy and Perogie rolled around on the floor,
like two crazy dust bunnies. Monster Dad grumbled and grunted and finally said:
"Come along you horrible little monsters, time to brush your teeth."
It’s very important for monsters to keep their teeth shiny and sharp, otherwise they go all brown and they break and they hurt when you bite on hard things like apples and bones.
15) Slime o’clock. Piggy and Perogie were bouncing up and down on Monster Dad’s giant bed.
"Went to the vampire, the vampire said… ‘ No more monsters jumping on the bed!!!’"
Piggy and Perogie laughed. Monster Dad’s face went blue.
"In five, in four, in three, in two…"
16) Piggy and Perogie lay down quietly. Monster dad brushed their sharp, pointy teeth.
Soon Piggy was snuffling fast asleep. Perogie and Monster Dad snuggled under the covers to watch Monsieur Muggins Monster Meals on TV… tonight’s recipe was for roast children’s legs in snot sauce with broccoli and worms. Yumm!
Yes, yumm! You know all children secretly like eating snot. I’ve seen you. Shhhh!
Perogie’s eyelids grew heavier and his breathing grew louder, and louder, and louder and soon he too was fast asleep.
Monster Dad carried them both to their beds and kissed them good night.
17) At half past thumb in the morning Perogie woke up, screaming a horrible high-pitched "waaah," which shot through the air and flew right into his dad’s ear.
"You little monster," muttered Monster Dad as he climbed out of bed.
"Waaaah," screamed Perogie.
"Shhhh," whispered Dad, "You’ll wake Piggy up."
"Waaaah," screamed Perogie.
Monster Dad knew that Perogie wanted dragon milk, but Mama Dragon was thousands of miles away and all he could give him was a little bottle of hippo milk, which isn’t quite the same. "Waaaah," he whimpered.
There was only one thing for it: "Buuuuaaaarrrp!"
Monster Dad let out an enormous belch, which had a strangely soothing effect. Perogie purred like a lion cub and gazed at his father, eyes like moons of maple syrup, glistening in the night.
"Alright, alright, come in to my bed," said Monster Dad.
"Ok Dada," said Perogie in a tiny little voice, and he snuggled up with his dad and his little bottle of hippo milk.
18) At twenty to sick in the morning, Piggy woke up, stomped to the bathroom for an early morning pee, then clomped into Monster Dad’s bedroom and climbed on top of him.
"You little monster," muttered Dad, and she wrapped herself around his arm and fell back to sleep. Monster Dad just lay there listening to Perogie wheezing and Piggy snuffling.
"You little monsters," he grunted, and finally fell asleep.
19) Two minutes later Pippi & Stella came flying into the bedroom squealing:
"Feeeeed meeeee, feeed meeee!"
Piggy and Monster Dad both woke up and snarled "You little monsters!" and they threw socks and slippers and slime at the bats to chase them out of the room.
It was far too noisy to go back to sleep so they all got up and went down to breakfast.
20) At breakfast Piggy started squealing: "Don’t like bugs! I want toast."
"I beg your pardon!" roared Monster Dad.
"Toast pleeeeeease Dada."
"Little monster" muttered Dad as he buttered her some toast.
"Not butter, slime-marine!!!" screamed Piggy.
"Ok," said Dad as he spread slime-marine and Moldmite on her toast.
"Not Moldmite, jam!" screamed Piggy. "Please?"
Monster Dad dollopped strawberry bug jam on top of the black sticky goo and cut the toast into four little triangles.
"Not triangles, circles!" screeched Piggy.
"Raaaaaaar" roared the dad and poured himself a cup of hot black coffee, which made him even angrier.
21) Four hours later they stood by the door in their warm winter coats. Piggy still had jam on her face, Perogie still had a spider’s web on his head, but hey, who cares!
Monster Dad picked them both up and lolloped out of the cave, up to the bus stop, where they climbed onto the big red monster bus and trundled off to daycare… just in time for lunch.
22) Monster Dad went back home and tidied up the bowls, tidied up the plates, tidied up the slime-marine and the Moldmite and the bits of toast and the dollop of bug jam dripping down Piggy’s chair leg. Then he emptied the bat-poo box, cleaned the monster toilet and picked up all the socks and rocks and puzzle pieces scattered around the cave. "Little monsters," he muttered.
When he finished stuffing all the dirty clothes into the monster washer, he made himself a nice big cup of coffee with extra frothy bat-spit and looked up at the clock. It was already quarter past flies – he was late for the little monsters.
23) Monster Dad grabbed his coat and raced out of the cave. He sprinted up to the street to jump on a bus – but he’d just missed one, so he ran and ran and puffed and panted and ran and ran and wheezed and snorted and ran and ran and groaned and grunted all the way to Cheyenne and Charlene’s Country and Western Daycare.
Just in time. The sun was still shining so they played in the playground and swung on the swings, clambered on the climber and slid down the slide. Then, when the sun slipped behind the trees, Monster Dad scooped them up and carried them to the bus stop to catch the bus home.
24) They waited and waited, but no bus came.
Piggy yawned, Monster Dad’s tummy rumbled and an icicle grew on Perogie’s nose.
Suddenly they spotted the green headlights of the Monster Bus glowing in the distance.
Piggy and Monster Dad waved to the driver.
The driver stared straight ahead.
25) Just as they thought the bus would stop, the traffic lights changed to green
and the bus surged past them, dinging its bell.
Monster Dad fumed.
He picked up Piggy, tucked her under his right arm and charged after the Monster Bus.
"Raaaaaar," he roared, "Raaaaaaaar!"
26) Boom, boom, boom, boom, Monster Dad’s feet pounded the sidewalk.
Honk, honk, honk. The bus was stuck in a traffic-jam
Boom, boom, boom, boom, the monsters were catching it up.
Brrrrrm. Suddenly the bus moved off again.
Monster Dad threw his head back and roared again: "Raaaaaar!"
The bus moved slowly, the monsters drew closer, the bus moved faster, the monsters moved faster… boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
scrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhh
Monster Dad skidded on a patch of ice
Oooouuufff
he landed on the sidewalk.
Fffeeeeeeuwww
Piggy flew through the air and
Doouuuf
She landed on the sidewalk, ten feet ahead.
Waaaaaaaaaah! Bomp, bomp, bomp.
Perogie bounced into the middle of the road
Brrrrrrrrm, brrrrrrrrm,
The traffic roared.
27) [Action sequence – like a storyboard or graphic novel - split double page into frames]
i) "Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!"
Monster Dad dived into the road and scooped up Perogie.
ii) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeaarch
The monster trucks screeched to a halt
28) iii) Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!
cried Piggy from the sidewalk.
iv) Monster Dad scooped her up with his other arm.
He squeezed them both tightly and hugged them with all his heart.
29) When they got home, they had supper together quietly and fed the bats.
"I want the red one"
"No, me, me!"
Monster Dad smiled: "you little monsters!" and took them up to his big bed where they all snuggled up to watch Monster Cooking on the TV.
30) Perogie picked up a pillow and bonked Piggy on the head.
Piggy picked up a pillow and bonked her daddy on the head.
He took Piggy in his left arm and Perogie in his right and squeezed them tightly.
"You really are little monsters," said Monster Dad, "but you’re My Little Monsters!" and they all snuggled up and went to sleep.
31) Monsieur Muggins wittered away on the TV,
sizzling slug sausages and stirring slop soup.
He realised no-one was watching anymore,
his big hairy eyelids drooped shut,
his hat fell in the soup
and he too fell asleep.
The End
text © Andrew Johnston 2004,2006
for sample illustrations by the amazing artist Andrew Bee see earlier draft