Doreen Jaskela, born in London, England, who left this world January 3, 2003 in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada with her cherished Charles by her side. Thank Heavens we are all here for each other Doreen once wrote, with that keen essence of the importance of being present for each other that came deeply and naturally to her. This defined her relationship with the list and the many friends she made, whom she loved so much. Thank Heavens we are all here for each other. Doreen had such a wonderful way with words, simply and elegantly getting to the heart of matters, connecting with our souls sometimes. We have all had to go through this torturous path, she wrote to a newcomer, when she herself was fairly new to this list, and the worse thing is the waiting. Don't think that you are whining - you have to have somewhere where you can vent your feelings and let off a lot of steam and I think the bc list is just the place. Everyone on this list has had to go along the same route. Make sure that he knows you are not wining just in need of his support as all your life has been turned upside down. Use the support and love that exist here. Torturous path, all your life has been turned upside down. Use the support and love that exist here. How many people, in their aloneness, have grasped at Doreen's words finding a caring, a solidarity, an understanding that they could bond with in their most needed moments. I did. Doreen's keen intelligence and searching interest in information, ideas and people led to not only excelling at duplicate bridge in pleasure and in winning many competitions, along with Charles, but also such appreciations as Stompin' Tom, a Canadian singer and storyteller whom she had the thrill of seeing one time in a club. Mets led to giving up the fun of line dancing. On the list, it meant that everyone and their ideas were not just welcome, but needed. I would definitely like to explain how much the list has helped me in my outlook on how to deal with this lousy disease, she wrote. Everybody is needed to make it such a complete group with all kinds of outlooks, all kinds of contributions and all kinds of emotions. Doreen gave a peaceful calming welcome to many whose difference in one way or another needed that support. Her wisdom, her honesty in speaking naturally about her opinions, feelings, what she was going through, including her fears, her pain, her death, connected with life and hope in a fundamentally positive way by helping to uncover the silent conditions of others. Speaking out loud in this way by e-mail was a way of solidarity and support, taking away some of the aloneness of herself and others and bringing together in support. I guess what I am trying to say she wrote in 1998, is that so many of us would just love to feel normal and that you are certainly not alone. There are too many of us holding hands with you. It is a relief to put this down instead of trying to be bright and cheery all day. Doreen held hands with so many, and gave calm in feeling it was okay to just be yourself. We know that we have more than our share who will not see the whole of this coming year she said in her 2002 greeting, But we are at least fighting for knowledge and trying to find the right paths for us all. It was okay not to have all the answers. What grounded Doreen most of all through the years, what she loved most of all, was getting to know people face-to-face, in her own area and at the annual gatherings. I can't tell you how much you get out of such a wonderful gathering she wrote after Calgary in 1998; Just cannot tell you how impressive and rewarding it was to meet everyone after Miami in 1999; The comradeship and support and love and caring - it is not easy to put into words after Kansas, 2000. She thought that would be her last, but Doreen was a determined person. I will make Toronto if I have to crawl on the plane!! , she wrote to me. She grew ever more excited as the time grew closer. At the moment I am not allowed alcohol because of two of my medications - [pause] however I might relax that for one evening if you guys want to drink. She made it. I managed to get there and see you all and feel buoyed up by your love and support. It has indeed been a real privilege to be a part of this list and to have made so many friends and indeed being able to meet so many of you. It was an extraordinary privilege to meet and know YOU Doreen. Charles was Doreen's great love of her life, and she spoke often of him. Charles was always there for Doreen and meant everything to her. I'm lucky she wrote, to have a very supportive husband who has helped me to face stage 4. They were married almost 25 years, it was only two years into it that she discovered that she had breast cancer. Fifteen years later, in 1995, she learned that she had mets. She had three children by her first marriage, Kathryn, Margaret and John. Many of you will remember her speaking of little Hannah, this is Margaret's only child, I have tried to establish my relationship with my youngest granddaughter and such a warm-hearted soul, she wrote some time ago, - I so want to see what kind of a person she will be - she is very clever and gives so much of herself to me that I could cry. Doreen gave her all to Hannah also, and I think she lived long enough to ensure that their relationship and her memory will be always present. Giving a presence to friends who have passed on through the candle lighting during these gatherings was equally of deep consequence to Doreen. I know that there are some who find it hard to admit that death does take some of us and will take more. We have been so rewarded with the information, love and support that we have been given. They have enriched us and I think that the candle lighting is a mark of respect and love that we want to show. This is your brave beautiful candle Doreen. This is the deep mark of respect and love for you amongst our everlasting tears, gratefulness and honour for knowing you and being your friend and for your tremendous contribution to the breast cancer list. I so love angels Doreen often used to write, and many of the e-cards she sent had angels in them, they were her favourite. So, I'll close with words from one of the many cards, I'm sending you an angel hug to brighten your day. Your angel will smooth out the road should trouble come your way. She'll ease your disappointment and take away your fear until the music of your dreams is the only song you hear. Nancy Miller for bc list gathering memorial, 2003. back to page one

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