The Adventures of Timmy the Twirp - Book V
by Don, VE3HGN

A Shocking Disclosure and Suggested Cure.

The following is, as accurately as possible, the contents of a letter from
the DXer General of the World, (whose name must be withheld, for security
reasons) to Timmy The Twerp, the now famous and quintessential List Louse.

"My dear Timmy,

It is with profound regret that I inform you that you have been found to be
a carrier of the deadly "List Virus."  Your callous disregard for the safety
and health of your fellow hams, has, after many months of scrupulous
surveillance by the International Committee for the Extermination of Lists
(I.C.E.L.) been brought to my attention.  Your operating habits have been
carefully scrutinized and, sad though it is, you have tested positive.  The
ICEL has asked me to urge you to desist or to practice "Safe" QSO's in view
of the fact that the deadly virus is spreading at an alarming rate
throughout the ham bands.

You have been found to be spreading (you have been observed and overheard
during casual contacts) this ugly and deadly plague, infecting your fellow
hams by bragging about your innumerable contacts.

Anti-Listers are working round-the-clock in the hope of discovering, before
it is too late, an anti-List vaccine.  It is now generally accepted that our
once respected Honour Roll has become seriously devalued by the spread of
the List Virus.  Even some of the pure-of-heart DXers have even been known
to have abandoned the sport in fear of acquiring this fatal disease.

DX brothels, along with their retinue of aggressive pimps, are spreading
like festering sores on our precious bands.  So Timmy, before you are
banished to the List Louse Motel we urge you to give up this cheaters
lifestyle, but, if you find that impractical, considering your
predilections, then please practice Safe Qso's.

Recent, but premature scientific findings indicate an Anti-List
aerosol spray will soon be introduced to the ham fraternity.  Spraying the
shack, in the early stages, seems to retard the infection.   You might also
look into the introduction of Anti-List lozenges, designed for temporary
relief, and soon to  become available, without prescription, at your local
ham store.

73  your friend,

DXer General of the World."

The foregoing is a fictional account in the saga of Timmy The Twerp.
Please feel free to re-transmit or mail the above episode to any and all
interested in stamping out List operations.

73

Authors name, call, address supplied upon request in writing.