The Adventures of Timmy the Twirp - Book VI

The Adventures of Timmy the Twirp - Book VI
by Don, VE3HGN

Rumours swirled around Timmy's home of Ocean Side, like dead leaves in a
breeze.Just about everyone knew something had happened at Timmy's QTH.

From information pieced together from a few close friends it seems that
after Timmy was brought home from his aborted South Pacific DXpedition by
his storm-trooper wife dynamo, he slipped into a deep depression.  The fact
that he had not made a single contact during the three days he had spent on
the island seems to have had a direct bearing on his mental health.  (It
will be remembered that Timmy waited for three days while the "Lists" were
being organized.)

Soon after Timmy returned home he disappeared into his shack for several
days where, according to his friends, he soldered more than three hundred
connectors to short lengths of coax.  This strange and compulsive behaviour
led Ol'Dynamo to seek advice from her friend and legal advisor, New York
attorney Goo.  Lawyer Goo took her through the legal procedures which would
lead up to the eventual certification and confinement of husband Timmy.

To fully understand the complex nature of Ham Radio's most celebrated List
louse, a brief examination of his past is required reading:

Timmy's passion for a no fuss, no mess, DXing via Lists, led him strangely
into Auto Racing and Big Game hunting.  Timmy's Big Game hunting expeditions
using the "List" technique he learned in amateur radio has been scrupulously
documented in Book 1, in the acclaimed literary series and expose'
"The Adventures of Timmy The Twerp."

Timmy's attempt to re-organize the famed Indy 500 auto race with the DXer's
"List" technique practised in Ham Radio is worth noting:  It is generally
accepted that chasing DX is a sport enjoyed by Hams world wide, but Timmy
loathed the infamous pile-ups associated with the sport.  Timmy also felt
that the "little guy" didn't have a chance in the pile-up and so he
organized numerous ad hoc List operations, long before "Lists" became
institutionalized, as they have now become.

In fact it was Timmy's Lists which projected him into the seductive glow of
the Ham's footlights.  During this period Lil'Timmy bloated with importance,
like a marsh toad.   His phone rang all hours of the day and night with
requests to be included on his "preferred" List.

Timmy invariably and demurely acquiesced to the demands of this strange
weasel-like assortment of DXers.  His neurotic need for fame and love
eventually drove him to the Indianapolis Speedway where he attempted to
persuade the management that the "Little Guy" should be given a chance at
the coveted prize, not just the "Big Guns" as he so aptly pointed out.

Indy's 500 Management listened in pained silence to his plan: "First you
have to do away with those messy starts," or "pile-ups" as Timmy preferred
to call them.

"Each driver driving his own car, regardless of the make and model, must be
given a shot at the prize. And there must not be another vehicle on the
track when this is happening."  Timmy warned the assembled group of stunned
race organizers that it might take some drivers days to complete the course
and that even he intended to enter with his treasured 60's Beetle.

"That's not sport, that's not even a race, you jackass," the group
chorused.  "Get this twerp  (that's when Timmy acquired his descriptive
adjective) outa here," they snarled.  "Screwballs like him are going to ruin
the sport."

The latest word from Timmy's up-state address is that he's attempting to
organize a one-at-a-time List style volley ball team, for the lil'guys at
the farm.

The foregoing is a fictional account of the life and times of "Lister"
Timmy the Twerp.  Any resemblance to persons living or otherwise is pure

Reproduction rights of this or any of the T.T.T. Books can be obtained by
writing to the author. The author supports and encourages unlimited


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