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By psychotherapist Beth Mares Midlife brings new challenges and new possibilities to our lives and relationships. I help mature people to meet challenges, make choices, and enjoy new opportunities. Most of my clients aged 45 to 65 have wanted to discuss one or more of the following, via individual psychotherapy, marital therapy or a combination: Reviewing one's marriage after the children have grown up. This is often a time of renewal, as couples discuss interests, values, family, and plans for the future. Some couples have only related to each other around parenting and maintaining the home for years; some of these have stayed together for the children, and are deciding what to do next. Some go their separate ways; others find that they now have the time and energy to rebuild their marriage on a better foundation, have a lot more fun, and truly enjoy each other again. Many of my middle-aged clients already know most of what I need to focus on with young couples; I find the subtle and thought-provoking work with mature people both stimulating and satisfying. Family issues--such as ageing parents who need help, and who may be unrealistic about their situation; loss of a parent; a son or daughter in a problematic relationship, having problems at school, or failing to fledge; new in-laws, perhaps with different values; a grandchild with special needs; or the intersection of time constraints, family politics, and the cottage. Adapting to physical changes in self or partner. Some people in their fifties and sixties need help with maintaining a positive self-image and a satisfying sex life; adapting their lifestyle and work-life balance in order to head off chronic illness or to maintain their vitality and quality of life in the face of it; or coping with a partner's health issues and, sometimes, less than optimal self-care. Infidelity in midlife While unfaithfulness happens less with mature couples than with the under-forties, I have seen quite a few instances of it. As in other age groups, there are many different types of infidelity, ranging from longstanding love affairs to fantasy flings to a variety of sexual obsessions and compulsions, and there are many different causes. Some may be attributed to mid life crises, in which people feel dissatisfied but are unclear about a direction, with the result that some act impulsively and may make poor choices. After a relationship ends the challenges may include becoming accustomed to living alone, reconfiguring relationships with family and friends, learning how to date again, and/or building a new relationship. Business and career. In mid life people are typically at the height of their career and the top of their game. This can be a good position from which to look at work life balance, and perhaps to further expand skills that can contribute to it, such as assertiveness, communication and delegating. At the same time, some are dealing with the finer points of succession planning in a family business, or contemplating slowing down. For some of the latter, the possibilities can seem endless, even overwhelming; others see no option that they like. Some are already in a more relaxed role or retired--and loving it; but some people need help with adjusting to their new life, or with making changes to better suit their individual personalities and preferences--some even contemplate radical changes such as returning to fast-paced work. Transitioning and rebalancing one's life. When people get stuck in the middle of a transition they can develop a mental health problem or more often, a less severe look-alike. It might be a loss of self-confidence, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbance, disturbing thoughts or dreams, an obsession or habit problem such as a sex addiction, or being restless, uninterested, less responsible than usual, or in some way "not oneself". I help people to handle these problems and to get past them by getting unstuck. For more issues I work with, see sex therapy, couples counselling, relationship coaching and individual therapy. I work by phone as well as in the office. Researchers agree: notwithstanding the cult of youth and the pleasures of the golden years, the middle years are the most rewarding. If you are missing out, let's talk.
Beth Mares, clinical member, Ontario Society of Psychotherapists, is an older psychotherapist with 25 years experience; she has personally experienced some of the transitions typical of middle age.
Copyright © 2011 Beth Mares
Beth Mares Counselling, 403-294 Main
Street Toronto, ON M4C 4X5 |
