| Preparation time (ex-chopping):
45 minutes (approx.)
Chopping time: 4.5 days (approx.)
ADVANCE PREPARATION -- THE EVENING BEFORE
1. Score the jalepeno peppers with a knife and marinate in the gin.
THE NEXT MORNING
2. Remove the peppers and refrigerate the gin.
GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS
3. Get out your James Bond themes CD and crank that stereo up.
4. In a large pitcher, combine the peppered gin and the vermouth. Shake or stir (honestly, it doesn't matter which) and fill a martini glass. Savour the drink and refill the glass.
5. Chop all of the ingredients that can be chopped into bite-sized pieces. You can try the chop-as-you-go-along method (God knows I have), but it won't work unless you have an assistant in the kitchen (in which case, you have a bigger kitchen than I do).
6. Refill the martini glass (it should be empty by now) and continue to do so as needed.
7. Add the oil to a large saucepan over high heat and add the ham and sausages. Cook until the meat starts to brown (about 3 - 4 minutes) stirring frequently and scraping the pan bottom (you will be doing this throughout the piece, so I won't repeat it).
8. At this point Lulu should be singing the theme to The Man With The Golden Gun. Bop around the kitchen if you wish. Don't worry. No one can see you.
9. Ad the chicken and continue cooking until the chicken is brown, 4 - 5 minutes.
10. Stir in the bay leaves, the Chef Paul Prudhomme's Poultry Magic®, all of the garlic and 1/2 of each of the celery, green peppers and onion. Cook until the vegetables start to soften (6 - 8 minutes).
11. Stir in the tomato paste and wine. Stir for about a minute.
12. Stir in the remaining celery, peppers and onions, and the tomatoes. Add the stock and rice.
13. By now, Duran Duran shold be singing the theme to A View To A Kill. You will probably be struck by how inane the lyrics are. Don't worry about it.
14. Bring everything to a boil, then reduce heat and cover the pot.
15. a-ha is singing the theme to The Living Daylights (without question, the best Bond theme). Empty the martini pitcher, sit back and enjoy.
16. After 30 - 40 minutes, the rice should be cooked, but chewy. Let stand for 5 minutes and serve. Put on the GoldenEye soundtrack and bon appetit!