"Thus open the gates of paradise."

In this issue

Hey! (06 Apr 2002)

Hey! Movie review guy! Why don't you ever give the movies ratings, like out of ten, or some frigging stars, so we don't have to read through all them big words? What are ya, gay? Some kinda FAGGIT?

If I used a system of stars -- say from 1 to 10 -- I'd have to assume you could count that high. Thanks for grunting.

Our Charter (06 Apr 2002)

Or mission statement. Whatever.

Our Charter

06 Apr 2002

We love getting mail. Much is well considered and thoughtfully written, and we thank you for taking the time to send it. And then there are the less thoughtful, less articulate correspondences. Though possessed with a good running start and the best of intentions, they plant their vaulting poles, but sadly fail to clear the bar of reason. This section is devoted to them, the cherished crank letters that give a hearty laugh at the end of many a long day.

And as soon as we get any, we'll publish them here.

We'd like to remind you that you can contact us about anything you read in The Front Page. Click on the Contact Us link in the Index for details.