bells through the portal>>

© G. Emburr Robinson

a faerie riding a unicorn walks into the room, telling me they can help me tell the tale tommorow, they are going to bed. but then they spot a huge sugarcube and decide to step inside. the unicorn eats some sugar off of the wall and makes them a window.they ride around in there, they always have, always will. it's not like they werent here before and will soon not be there. people think time is a gift. but really it's a speech impediment. really, it's something that draws you back, makes you take a look and really try to figure out why everything is. out of time and, yes, through the portal we can make amends. and yes i exhisted in another place where i still am. and sometimes my shadow calls to me across time and through it all. it's kind of her to go to time for me just because i need to gather those pieces of myself so that i can feel like i exhist. because really we are all the walking dead. but back to my unicorn and faerie friends. they ride because they have to, not because they want to. when you have to do something, you have to do it, and it's stronger then if you just want to. but you also want to. and that's what makes it so delicious, float-riding around in a big white box that tastes wonderful. and that you can make your little windows, that you can see out of, it's just wonderful. and you really feel like you are not from this place, and, my faerie friend told me that when you're in the sugarcube you really feel small but you can appreciate it, appreciate yourself in all your small beauty. it's something you can't deny, dying and coming to life like this. and looking down on the cruel fortress way down there in exhistence.. makes them seem even smaller. and what if you could live in there? in this sugarcube? because really, as i speak, i am floating off the walls in here, laughing and watching my unicorn galloping around. and the faerie sings and does a little dance, a tap dance, with a fiddle, playing it and thrashing about with her long mane of pink hair swirling and swirling in the light and in the night at the same time. because really, when you think about it, it's never night. and it's never day. but it's always both. the pink haired one, the one whoes name i don't know (and will never know, but thats not importand), bounces off of the unicorns back and floats around towards me and says "play! just play it. then you will be ok". i decide to sing along with her and the unicorn neighs, and smiles and says "this is what its all about isnt it? i always love these sugarcube partys. always have, always will". and i realize that i dont know what any of this is but i know i mean it. but not knowing is the fun part dont you think? it would be dull if i knew how the unicorn would dance and bounce off a sugary surface, fly into the air and tap her back feet together, in perfect rhythm. it would ruin it all if i knew the next strand of the happy fiddle my pink haired friend would play, and which sweet words would be sung forth from her mouth. her purple dress flys wildly into the air, as if a big gust of wind has suddenly hit the cube, and something might actually happen. but of course nothing does. because it already has. i've already come home, where i belong, i've always been here. it's just that i had to listen for a while 'till i heard her calling me back, because sometimes when we lose ourselves it takes us forever to get all the puzzle pieces back together. and still she calls because i'm not ready, i'm still in time and am a bit stuck here to be perfectly honest. i realize it's time to go soon, the party is about to end. for now. i will be back. and when i come back my friends, my family, will be here to greet me. but there i go again, thinking in terms of time. our home, the sugarcube, will always fly through infinity, infinitely. and i know it's waiting, i'm waiting for me, but i just haven't passed the test. not this time. but there will be other times, other tests. some will be partys like this one. some will take place nowhere, and everywhere, and...but wait...its not a test, none of it is a test. i'm just trying to find me, right? how can i be tested on something i have always owned, something that has been mine in time and out of time and through the portal, the portal where its not me staring at me but the unicorn and the faerie looking into me and seeing that we belong here together, and seeing the beauty of it all. there are no others; we are everyone. and i thank them silently for waking me up, piece by piece, bit by bit, and they said they were just coming from a short visit but i know that even when i leave this time i will still be here and so will they. 'cause what happened, and is happening, and will happen, well, those are all the same. and they are here. suddenly i hear bells. and i realize i must end this now, and then. and then my faerie friend smiles and the music stops. she floats in front of me and my beautiful unicorn gallops over and floats in the air of the cube beside her. they bow to me, and i to them. the unicorn gives me a knowing look, and smirks, as i suddenly realize she's someone i knew long ago. several someones actually. and my faerie friend gives me once last laugh, and taps her fiddle stick gently on my head. "we are always here. just close your eyes and come dance with us. and sing the song. the song that is everything, and nothing. the song that makes us who we are, who we have always been and always will be." it's the unicorns turn now: "we always ride the wind, even if it has no name, you do understand don't you?" i nod. "and there's bells for each of us, even if we can't see them at first. it takes time, a place you must go to now, to understand, to wear your bells with pride. because you'll never hear them if you always hide." she throws her head back and neighs, a sort of laugh i think, and smiles at me. "we will help you keep your bells ringing", the pink haired one says. i recieve one more smile from her as well, and then they are gone. and so am i. but i was never there. and i always will be there, always, always out of time and through this portal i call home and have returned to again, and again and again....