My entry in the 2006 OVFF song contest. It wandered somewhat in the writing, and ended up not as close as I'd like to the nominal contest topic of "Too tired to...", but apart from that I'm fairly pleased with it. The song should, ideally, be sung in a high-pitched batrachian Muppet voice. :-)


(Parody lyrics copyright 2006 by Joel Polowin. To the tune of "Lies" by Stan Rogers)

Finally, the show's done for the night
He turns off all the house lights, the stage door's locked up tight
Then he hears a grumble and a moan
Could it be one of the actors? No, it's just a tummy-groan
He's been running on adrenaline, the crises now are past
Exhaustion fights with hunger, he should break his too-long fast
The kitchenette is bare, there's no supplies
By preference, he would be having... flies.

Time's fun when you're having flies
Flies, oh, flies
A little green amphibian
He's made of felt, with ping-pong balls for eyes
He must be having flies

Life was so much simpler in the bog
Any bug that he encountered could be luncheon for a frog
Sometimes now it's very hard to know
Just what is safely edible, and who is in the show
It makes him kind of frantic, like Edvard Munch's "The Scream"
And when you're sick from hunger, it's not easy being green
And there's no manna falling from the skies
And anyway, he'd rather have some flies

Then he remembers that he's got a date
She said, "Come up and see me, doesn't matter if it's late"
She's asked him out so many times before
She's tried out other boyfriends, each one has been a bore
But what is the attraction that leads him to her place?
It's not her personality, it's not her hair or face
It's not her breasts or what's between her... eyes
Where there are pigs, you're sure to find some flies

Copyright (C) 2006 by Joel Polowin.  Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this material in any non-profit medium provided that its content is not altered and that this notice is appended. I would appreciate receiving a copy of any publication in which it appears: Joel Polowin / 18 Norice St. / Nepean, Ont. / CANADA / K2G 2X5 but remove the XYZZy -- it's a little magic to baffle the spambots.

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