The Medical Toy

An insta-filk inspired by Kay Shapiro's grumbling about noisy medical equipment.

(Lyrics copyright 1999 by Joel Polowin. To: "The Marvellous Toy" by Tom Paxton.)

When I was feeling quite unwell, trembling and pale
My loved ones wanted to have me cured, and not so sick and frail
They hauled me down to the hospital, by doctors I was seen
Then straight into Intensive Care, where I met with The Machine

It pinged when I slept and whirred when I woke
And honked when I lay still
We never knew just what it did
And I guess we never will

The first time that they hooked it up, we all got an awful shock
It told them that I had no pulse and my urethra was blocked
After 20 minutes of CPR we got them to desist
And before they attacked the other end they wanted further tests

(thank God!)

They wired me up both left and right and from my head to toes
Electrodes, probes and sample tubes plugged in from knees to nose
The gadget beeped and flashed and rang, then reported once again:
Not only was I pregnant, but my prostate was inflamed.

I finally managed to escape, just in the nick of time
Some noodle soup and TLC have got me feeling fine
At least until right now, that is, 'cause now my nerves are wrecked:
The Machine is rolling up the walk, some payment to collect

Words copyright (C) 1999 by Joel Polowin. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this material in any non-profit medium provided that its content is not altered and that this notice is appended. I would appreciate receiving a copy of any publication in which it appears: Joel Polowin / 18 Norice St. / Nepean, Ont. / CANADA / K2G 2X5 but remove the XYZZY -- itís a little magic to baffle the spambots.

Back to the Filk Index | Back to Joel's Home Page