The "Got No Paparazzi" Polka

To "The 'I Was Not A Nazi' Polka" by the Chad Mitchell Trio. Lyrics copyright 1997 by Joel Polowin; concept by John Woodford. Written a couple of weeks after Lady Diana's death. It seemed very ironic to me that a woman named "Diana" would be hunted and chased to her death; her uncle made the same observation at the funeral.


As you wander through the supermarket,
Your eyes can't miss the three-inch type
For to keep their rack space in the market
The tabloids rely on hype.

But each and every tabloid dances to the strain
Of the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.
All, without exception, join in the refrain
Of the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

O.J. is a no-one we'd rather just ignore,
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.
And Pamela Lee Anderson's big breasts are such a bore,
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

Reporters are such kind souls, we're never in the way,
Photographers will never cause a fuss.
Celebrities just love us, we always make their day
That nice Sean Penn keeps trying to follow us.

I never shot a picture, or zoomed a single lens
To the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

Did you not buzz Springsteen's wedding?
— I did not buzz Springsteen's wedding.
"Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

Did you not write of Cher's new dress?
-– I didn't write of Cher's new dress.
"Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

Were you not in Arnie's face?
–- I was not -- are you out of your effing *MIND*?
"Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

Did you not chase Lady Di?
--- I did n- Lady who?

... Lady WHO?

–- Yeah, Lady, uh, "Di"?

Larry, are you putting me on?

–- Why, are you photogenic?

Are you kidding me or something?

-– No, I'm not kidding you. Who's "Lady Di"?


-– Doesn't ring a bell. Is she a race horse or something?

You don't remember.

–- No, I don't remember. Who was she?

Well. She was a pretty blonde British girl, engaged at 19

–- No...

Married Charles, making her England's future queen

–- I don't think so...

Had two sons, William and Henry were their names

-– Umm....

Got divorced, got her name "Spencer" back again.

–- Oh! She's the one, had a fling with her riding coach
While her Chuck did his thing on a mobile phone.
Major stink, bad affairs, marriages gone wild
Probably carrying Elvis' love child!
Elvis' love child!
Elvis' love child!

--- Not particularly newsworthy.

Didn't think so myself.

We're respected journalists, brave and without blame
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.
Sure there are some bad ones, we think it's quite a shame
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.

When someone in the limelight is going through bad times
We don't harass them, wouldn't even try
We respect the big shots, and give them lots of room
Just the same as we all did for Lady Di

Lady Di!





.... Dead.


Tabloids are important to keep you up to date
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka.
On all the world's celebrities, the things they love and hate
Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" --


Look there.

Isn't that Michael Jackson?

With a child..? MICHAEL!!


Sing the "Got No Paparazzi" Polka!

Words copyright (C) 1997 by Joel Polowin. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this material in any non-profit medium provided that its content is not altered and that this notice is appended. I would appreciate receiving a copy of any publication in which it appears: Joel Polowin / 18 Norice St. / Nepean, Ont. / CANADA / K2G 2X5 but remove the XYZZY -- it’s a little magic to baffle the spambots.

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