10 Apr
          I was away for eight days and no one even noticed. You guys suck! 
          Having just recently flown Air Canada, I can honestly say I understand completely why they're having bankruptcy problems. First off, they tell us two show up two hours early for a 6:30 AM flight, but neglect to mention that they don't start until 5:00. Their flight attendants were surly, the plane cramped and with screaming babies strategically placed to annoy the maximum amount of passengers, and the in-flight movies were cheap, Canadian Tele-film, French-Canadian dubbed-in-English reels of trash.
          We had an hour and a half layover in Vancouver on the return flight, and finished off the trip on a Dash 8. I think they call it a Dash 8 because when they dash it into the side of a mountain it's big enough to leave at least eight good-sized pieces of wreckage. It's not as impressive as the Shatter 12, however, but it beats the Smudge 1 all to hell. They served us one of those pigmy Mars bars on takeoff, which was a vast improvement over the Jabba-the-Hutt looking omelet they force-fed us on the AirBus A21. (And just how luxurious can you expect your flight to be when the plane is called an Airbus. AirLimmo? AirLexxus? Maybe.) 
          And don't talk to me about airport security. I really wonder if hiring all Middle East security personnel is a wise move, considering they're the ones we're worried about in the first place. And they confiscated a pair of Pen's nail clippers--cause it could be used as a weapon, don't ya know. Never mind that they left me with a pen, shoe laces, belt, paper clips, and credit cards, or gave us a plastic knife with a serrated edge, a set of earphones, and soft drinks in aluminum cans, all of which I can kill you with quite handily, thank-you-very-much. Maybe they were worried that Pen would neatly manicure them to death.

          Oh, and in case anyone is paying attention, this just in:

SCI FI will be producing Dresden Files, a two-hour backdoor pilot film based on the Jim Butcher novels and co-executive produced by Nicolas Cage. 

          Jim is a former OWW member, who's stuff is similar to my Darkside. Nice to see one of us is doing well with the concept.

13 Apr
          It's nice to be back in sunny Victoria, BC. It's nice and warm, the flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping...Of course, being BC, the birds are probably stoned out of their gourds, because let's face it, flowers aren't the only things blooming here. I think BC coined the phrase, "Medicinal Marijuana." At least it keeps the birds from crapping on you--they're too busy trying to score Doritos and Cheetos.

Karma check: still nobody.

14 Apr
          I read in the news today that Zanzibar is passing a law to outlaw homosexuality. If convicted, a man can get up to 25 years in prison. Hmmm...sending a man to prison for being homosexual--isn't that kind of counter productive?

16 Apr
          They say you can tell what God thinks of money by the people he gives it to. Right now I wouldn't mind if God thought a little less of me. Apparently he doesn't think much of fame, either.

17 Apr
          Okay, here's proof that once they graduate Recruit School, they don't get any brighter: A couple of my former recruits walked in on me in the gym the other day when I was working out on the heavy bag. The conversation went as follows.

Recruit 1: "Hey, Master Corporal. How's it going?"
Me:  (Combination punch, spinning wheel kick) "Heavy bag 2. Master Corporal O. And call me Steve.
Recruit 2: (Eying me suspiciously.) "Is this a trick?"
Me: "No trick." (Double Roundhouse kick)
Recruit 1 to Recruit 2: "I still say he looks like Chip Hazard from Small Soldiers."
Recruit 2: "Nah, more like Jet Li in Romeo Must Die."
Recruit 1: "Is that the one with DMX in it?"
Recruit 2: "No, the one with that singer, Aliyah."
Recruit 1: "Which one was she?"
Me: (Jab, ridgehand, reverse ridgehand.) "She played the big fat guy."
Recruit 1: "Damn, she's good."

Thank God they're both in the Navy.

19 Apr
          Different crap; same day. 
          My life is like the movie Groundhog's Day. It's like the same day keeps repeating itself over and over, except with different crappy things happening.
          Oh, and here's a neat military SNAFU. I currently work for BRT, but BRT is officially closed at the end of April, to be taken over by PLQ. (I could tell you what the letters stood for but then I'd have to write you a threatening letter--Canadian Military, eh?) 
          But I don't work for PLQ, so as of the 30th of April I'm technically a free agent. So if there's anyone out there looking for an Avionics Tech/Teacher/Recruit Instructor/Covert Operative/Security Consultant/Martial Arts Instructor/Musician/Writer and all-around-nice-guy, call me and we'll negotiate.

21 Apr
          Pen took me out to dinner at Japanese Village last night for my birthday. Of course it's not really an entire village, just a restaurant, but let's face it, Japanese Restaurant just doesn't have the same zing. And I love Asian food, but it always gives me writer's cramp.
          Anyway, it's one of those places where the chef slices, dices and julian fries right there in front of you. I think our chef, Ronko (not his real name, but you figure it out) was new, because he seemed a little unsure of himself, which made me a tad nervous because I was sitting right next to him. All I kept thinking was, "If that bastard cuts me, I'm cutting him back." 
          Still, it was a fun night. The only thing missing from the experience was if they had let us pick our own cow out of the herd and slaughtered and butchered it ourself. Hey, I bet the Japanese Village in Texas would let you.
          All in all Pen ensured it was a great birthday, even though her boss called her in to work at the last minute and we couldn't catch a matinee like we'd planned. And then I got a rejection letter for a short story telling me all numerous things they liked about it, even though, unfortunately, they couldn't use it. Still, the feedback was nice. I should take the editor out to Japanese Village to show my appreciation. I'll just sit him beside a blindfolded Ronko. 

26 Apr
          I was chatting with Marsha the other night, because I haven't been writing lately, so why should she, and we came up with some Young Adult fiction for the real world. So, without further ado, here they are:

1.  Mommy and Daddy are Getting a Divorce and It's All Your Fault
2.  No, Spot isn't in Heaven. He's Buried in the Backyard
3.  Policemen Are Not Your Friends (And neither are clowns)
4.  The Church and Father Badtouch
5.  Frank is Not Your Uncle, He's Just Doing Mommy