1 Dec
          We constantly hear how all these beautiful women are really looking for a guy with a sense of humour. What that really means is they're looking for someone who laughs when they max out your credit card; a guy who guffaws when they catch you with the pool boy. I know a few guys that giggled uncontrolably when they're wives left them and took half of everything they own, but I don't think that counts. (They're still giggling when I see them on Visiting Day.) These same women are sadly lacking when it comes to their own sense of ha-ha, however. 
          For example, not many women find it funny when you take them to McDonalds for their anniversary. (Even if you do Super Size it.)

2 Dec
          I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps BAEN is in actuality a top secret Black Ops recycling plant. You mail them your unsolicited manuscripts and then they're all: "Quick, drop this in the Recycle-O-Tron. We'll turn this one into festive Christmas napkins and environmentally friendly toilet paper." 
          Cause that would really explain a lot.

8 Dec
         I pulled a hamstring Monday night, doing wind sprints, which I was basically doing to prevent myself from pulling my hamstring. So that worked out well. 
          And I'm writing again. I've averaged at least a thousand words a day for the last few days. I'm hoping to keep that up over the Christmas break at least, and maybe even after for a while. I'm not scheduled to teach again until February, but apparently I'm slated to join the D&D team. 
          At first I thought, "Woo hoo! Dungeons and Dragons," but it turns out it stands for Design and Development. Not near as much fun. Basically it means me and five other people get to totally redesign the entire Canadian Forces Avionics Training Program. That's right--hordes of work, steep learning curve, probably very little time to write. 
          You'd think there'd be at least one patron of the arts out there willing to spare a measly sixty grand a year to sponsor a Canadian writer. But nooooo.

10 Dec
          So the new band seems to be a go. Here's the song list so far:
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morrisette
I Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage
Only Happy When it Rains - Garbage
Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin
Move Over - Janis Joplin
Me'n Bobby Magee - Janis Joplin
How You Remind Me - Nickel Back
New Orleans is Sinking - Tragically Hip
This Morning - Wide Mouth Mason
Right Through You - Alanis Morrisette
Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
Sweet Child of Mine - Guns N Roses
Fine Again - Seether
Simple - Collective Soul
I Love Rock and Roll - Joan Jett

So, what do you think?

13 Dec
        Pen and I went to the Squadron Christmas party on Friday, which was fun. We both won a door prize, which was characteristically uncommon; usually everyone at our table but us wins one, and we were the only ones at our table who did. Mind you, we won a collapsible garden hose and one of those little trolley thingies you use for sliding under your car to do repairs, but still, we won. 
          It snowed like the dickens the night of the Christmas Party, too, so by the time we returned from the festivities the plow had gone by and plowed in our driveway. What a lovely way to top off the evening--shoveling out the driveway. If only I could have scheduled a root canal I could have finished the night off on a high note. 
          Of course it snowed again after I went to bed, so we got plowed in again. I'd was about three quarters done shoveling out the end of the driveway when the plow went by and filled it in again. I thought, okay, that's funny in a pie-in-the-face kind of way. (Well, at least it's funny when it happens to someone else.) So I dug the driveway out again--just as the little sidewalk plow came by and ploughed me in again. 
          Of course you know this means war.
          And my daughter brought her new boyfriend by the other night to meet us. He seems like a nice enough guy, so I put the shovel and lime away. Pen says she must really like this guy as he's the first one Chantel has ever brought over to meet me. I said, "Either that or he's expendable."
          Of course they got lost trying to find our place. They basically had to follow a straight road until they came to the end, and then turn left in the direction of the big sign that said BASE BORDEN. After calling for directions at least four times, and backtracking twice, they finally made it. 
          An English Major, and a Physics Major, eh?

14 Dec
          We put up the tree last night. That's how I know it's Christmas. Well, that and the fact that there's little dishes of chocolates all over the house with notes on them from Pen saying: DON'T TOUCH. I'm assuming she means me. If she was really smart, the notes would say: DON'T EAT. 
          I love loopholes.

20 Dec
          I keep hearing all this crap about things would be so much better if women ruled the world. Well, first of all….don't they? 
          And second, give me a break. I can just imagine women outfitting the Canadian Military, buying new fighter jets not because they're versatile, have great range, are maneuverable, or can carry heavy ordinance. But because they're cute…or red. 
          Sure, they'd probably get them on sale, but still.
         And forget about forest green camouflage, or desert brown. I mean, no one can see you when you wear it, and it doesn't go with anything else you own. And don't get me started on shoes….

22 Dec
          So I was at the mall yesterday, dressed in my usual black trench coat and black just-about-everything-else, waiting for Pen outside the restrooms, when this little blonde spike-haired kid, no more than eight years old, comes up to me and asks very politely: "Are you a vampire slayer?"
          So I looked down at him, nodded, and said, "Shhh…don't tell anyone. It's a secret."
          Of course his eyes got all big and he asked, "Are there any vampires here?"
          "Not anymore," I told him.
          His mother approached me rather embarrassed and said, "He's been all worried about vampires ever since his dad took him to see Blade 3."
          I considered telling the kid that there was no such thing as real vampires (I think) but figured his parents had probably already told him that and he wasn't buying it. So I took a quarter out of my pocket, knelt down and said, "See this quarter. It's a special quarter. It's silver, and vampires hate silver. And not only that, it was blessed by a priest. You keep this quarter with you and vampires won't come anywhere near you."
          The kid looks all impressed, and takes the quarter solemnly and places it in his pocket, then says, "Do you have one for my mom, too?"
          I laughed, and gave his mom one, and they both said thanks and went back to their shopping.
          Who knew being a vampire slayer could be so expensive? 

23 Dec
          I just spent an hour and a half shovelling out the driveway so Pen could get to work. Today wasn't bad; Pen didn't have to be at work until 11:30, but tomorrow she starts at 8:30. It's still snowing, so of course I'll have to do it again later. Problem is I'm running out of places to throw the snow. 
          Pen asked for patience for Christmas. I told her I didn't think she could wait that long.
          And Marsha suggested I add a Comments section to my journal. I would if I knew how, but I don't. And no, I'm not joining Live Journal. If anyone has any suggestions, just add them to the comments section. No, wait....

31 Dec
      Christmas was great. Not only did I receive plenty of cash, DVDs, and enough chocolate to induce a diabetic coma, but also it was the first time the whole family has been together in a few years. We spent Christmas Eve and morning at Pen's parents, and then Christmas Day at my parents. 
          My entire family was at my parents: my mom and dad, my sister, her husband and two kids, my brother, his wife and their two kids (the two happiest kids in the world, I'm sure of it) Pen and I and our two kids, and my grandmother. We took a few family photos (see updated Family Mugshots page) ate lots of great food, and caught up on each others lives.
          I even managed to get some writing done over the holidays, and tonight we're going to the base club for New Year's Eve.
          Add to that the fact that everyone I know wasn't drowned in some huge tidal wave, killed by terrorists, or burned to death in a club fire, and I'd say it was a pretty great holiday. 
          Of course it's not over yet.