My wife is an evil troll. For the last
month or so she's been sick with the
flu, so much so that she's had to go
back for antibiotics twice. My
immune system battled heroically to
keep me from catching her plague, but
yesterday it succumbed. My sinuses
feel like they've been filled with
silicone caulking compound--apparently
of the lead based variety, because my
head weighs a ton.
In order to combat this
malady that's afflicted me, I've
decided to go to a matinee to see
Pan's Labyrinth. I call it alternative
medicine. (Kind of along the lines of
hitting yourself in the head with a
hammer, because it feels so good when
I am a bad soldier. Why, you might
ask? (Okay, if you didn't ask
why, you can just skip the rest of
this and maybe listen to some Muszak
I have no respect for
rank or authority. Anyone who thinks
they're better than I am simply
because they outrank me has another
thing coming. Honestly, a higher rank
does not automatically mean you are
than the rest of us.
Sure, you’re a
Chief Warrant Officer, or a Colonel,
but for all I know you could be an
alcoholic wife-beating pedophile who
strangles puppies and kittens. What
does it matter that Joe the janitor
over there volunteers at the soup
kitchen three times a week, is a Big
Brother to some underprivileged kid,
sponsors an orphan in Rwanda, builds
homes with Habitat for Humanity, and
is a Scout Leader for the local troop?
I mean, he's a janitor, and
you're a major. You're obviously
better than him.
And obviously, Sir,
you're more than qualified to correct
the Sgt's spelling, grammar, and
content when she writes her
subordinates Performance Evaluations.
So what if the Sgt teaches English as
a second language over at the local
college, and you know this because
you're one of her students?
And it's nice that the
door to your office is open anytime we
need to talk to you about our
problems, Sir. Sure, the Corporal has
twenty years in the military, has been
married to the same woman for
twenty-five, has put two kids through
university, and done tours of duty in
Sarajevo, the Golan Heights, Kuwait,
Somalia, and Afghanistan. You're
an officer, and are more than
qualified to council him--even though
you're only 22, just graduated
university, don't have your driver's
license yet--not that you can afford a
car anyway because you spend your pay
check every weekend down at the club
trying to impress the local girls so
that maybe one of them will sleep with
you and then you're brother will stop
teasing you about being a
virgin--which is even more unlikely
because until a couple of months ago
you still lived at home with your mom.
And obviously your ideas
are better than any of the enlisted
personnel's, because you have a
degree. So what if you're degree
is in Botany, and you're in charge of
aircraft maintenance on the Flight
And before all you
civilians start patting yourselves on
the back, remember, it's not just the
military who take the title "Superior"
way too literally.
You're a doctor, right? I
mean, that's a noble profession,
saving lives and all. Okay, so you're
paid to save lives, and if the
patient can't afford it, well I guess
his life wasn't worth saving anyway,
was it? Just because he ran into a
burning building to rescue that little
girl that time, risking his
life in the process, and with no hope
of payment or reward--he can't be as
good as you. I mean, he's a garbage
man, for crying out loud. (Oops,
sorry. Sanitation Engineer.)
And you, Mister
Celebrity/Rock Star/Actor. We should
hang on your every word, because
obviously you're opinions have much
more value than ours--even though you
never finished high school, can't be
bothered to read the newspaper because
of all the big words, have sex with
15-year-old groupies, and generally
can't dress yourself because you're
high/drunk/gender-confused most of the
time. We believe you when you tell us
we should, "Support the war in
Afghanistan, because someone has to
stop Saddam Hussein from making BMWs.
After all, we let the Germans make
Volkswagens, and look what they
Anyone who thinks they
are better than you because of what
they do for a living, or how much
money they have, is deluded. Everyone
is good at something, or at least more
accomplished than most. The problem
with the human race is that as soon as
we realise we're "special", we'll form
a club with others like ourselves to
keep the riff raff out--no matter how
insignificant our speciality may be.
Apparently I'm not only a
bad soldier, I'm a bad human being.
And I'm not sure if that's a bad
The groundhog lied, the bastard. I
know it didn't snow until mid January,
but that doesn't mean they had to save
up all that snow and dump it on us all
at once now, does it? Obviously it's
time for a more accurate animal
I'm thinking maybe a
bear, but I doubt a bear would drag
his lazy butt out of hibernation on
February 2 just to tell a bunch of
monkeys that it's not time to get up
yet. I seriously doubt the mayor of
Punxsutawney or Wiarton would be
dragging the bears out of their cave
the way they do Phil or Willy, either.
If they did, there'd be a whole new
method of forecasting along the lines
of, "I only got 200 stitches this
time; that means there'll be six more
weeks of winter!"
Maybe we should try
And I don't know who the
new snowplough driver in my
neighbourhood is, but he's my new
hero. Not only has he made the effort
not to fill my driveway in
every time he goes by lately, but last
night he actually shoved the snow
banks at the end of my driveway back a
good twenty feet. I'm sure it had more
to do with the lack of visibility
coming around the street corner, but
still, thanks. (Yeah, like he's
Is it feed a fever, starve a cold? Or
starve a fever, feed a cold. I can
never remember which one it is. And
what if you have both a fever and
I say you put them both
on Jenny Craig and let them battle it
Apparantly being a WASP paid
Conga rats to Charlie and Rae, who
tied the knot this weekend!
And, because Carol tagged me:
What is yours?
food on my plate.
feel bad for all those kids
starving in Africa
was my hero and role model.
positive that *everyone* is having
more fun than me.
*doesn't* want to be sedated?
always looks like he's having fun.
Now I tag:-
this same Quiz, Its
Just for the record, I liked
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel,
Firefly, and Sin City, and I
couldn't care less whether they
empower women or not. It is my belief
that you cannot be empowered. Power
given is not true power; you can only
take power for yourself.
The Pen is not
mightier than the Sword. You can pass
any law you like, but if you don't
have an army to back you up, it
doesn't mean squat. Of course, an
"army" can take many different forms.
Then again, I 'm one of
those white, male bastards.
Another agent reject for Darkside
today. That's what I get for being
mean to Leah--Instant Karma.
But…I wrote 500 words on
the new novel.
Dear People With No Lives Who Read
We had the squadron ski
trip today, which was nice. At least I
didn't break anything. Well, not
anything of mine anyway. I
think I held up pretty well,
considering I’m old now and all.
As a matter of fact, the
hardest part was shoveling the
driveway when I got home. (I think the
stinky snowplow driver brought snow
from other townships to dump in the
end of my driveway.)
I can't tell you how many
words I've written on the new book
today, because I'm actually in the
process of writing them now,
and…um…I've already sealed the
Everyone go pester her with birthday
greetings and bad jokes, and tell her
I sent you.
Clairvoyant - the ability to see into
Cairvoyeur - the ability to see into
Telekinesis - the ability to move
stuff with your mind.
Telekinissan- the ability to move
stuff with your car.
Open to: All, results viewable
What does the S.K.S. in S.K.S. Perry
I have nothing to say, except to say
that I have nothing to say, which
means, I guess, that I have something
to say, about nothing. Kind of like
every other post I've ever written.
Hey, I'm the Jerry
Seinfeld of LJ!
I went to a concert a couple of weeks
ago (best sekrit Santa gift evah!)
with my friend (and guitarist) Dave,
his son, and his son's girlfriend. We
had a great time, even though, as I
think I've stated before, I have a
hard time at concerts because I used
to be up there.
Anyway, the band was
doing their power ballad, and people
in the crowd opened up their cell
phones and started waving them in the
air, and I thought, "What gives." I
mean, in my day (waves cane) we used
to wave lit lighters. I guess maybe
the youth of today aren't as fire
retardant as we were back then. Still,
you'd think they'd at least set the
wall paper on their cell phones to a
picture of a lighter, or a candle at
These young'uns today
just don't have no respect.
So the Nurse Practitioner (what the
hell is that?) that I had to wait two
weeks to see told me yesterday that
even though my levels are good, she'd
still like to up my thyroid dosage.
Unfortunately she's not allowed to
prescribe drugs, so I had to make
another appointment for two weeks from
now to see the Doctor who can. *le
Also, the last time I was
there (two weeks past--sense the
pattern?) they gave me some stuff (it
comes in a big bingo dabber!) for the
acne my 45 year old self has
developed. Problem is, it's gotten
"Oh, it takes about 4-6
weeks to take effect. It gets worse
before it gets better."
Great, just what I need
when I'm going to Ad Astra next week.
On a happier note, the
new novel (think Shogun meets Pitch
Black) is up to 3500 words.
There are two Bluejays outside my window, today.
Either that or they're crows and they've frozen
James Cameron claims he's found the
Tomb of Christ, his mother, wife, and
son. If true, that's bad news for the
Not only that, it
certainly devalues that Spear of
Destiny I have hanging in my office.
(I'm not sure what effect it'll have
on the Arc of the Covenant in my
know a lot of you are asking the
question--What is Steve watching? (As
opposed to "What is Steve doing?" or
more to the point "What has Steve done
now?" As for "What was Steve
thinking?" we won't even go there.)
Anyway, last night I
watched Law and Order: SVU (dark,
depressing), NCIS (dark, quirky), The
Unit (dark, frustrating), and Gilmore
Girls (dim, quirky, amusing, chick-flicky).
I know what you're thinking. That's a
lot of television. Wouldn't that time
have been better spent writing,
reading, doing research, or composing
Yeah, well who asked you?
Get off my back, eh. *Damn