4 Feb

          My wife is an evil troll. For the last month or so she's been sick with the flu, so much so that she's had to go back for antibiotics twice. My immune system battled heroically to keep me from catching her plague, but yesterday it succumbed. My sinuses feel like they've been filled with silicone caulking compound--apparently of the lead based variety, because my head weighs a ton.
          In order to combat this malady that's afflicted me, I've decided to go to a matinee to see Pan's Labyrinth. I call it alternative medicine. (Kind of along the lines of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer, because it feels so good when you stop.)

5 Feb

          I am a bad soldier. Why, you might ask? (Okay, if you didn't ask why, you can just skip the rest of this and maybe listen to some Muszak or something.)
          I have no respect for rank or authority. Anyone who thinks they're better than I am simply because they outrank me has another thing coming. Honestly, a higher rank does not automatically mean you are more intelligent/informed/classy/stalwart/honest/competent than the rest of us.
           Sure, you’re a Chief Warrant Officer, or a Colonel, but for all I know you could be an alcoholic wife-beating pedophile who strangles puppies and kittens. What does it matter that Joe the janitor over there volunteers at the soup kitchen three times a week, is a Big Brother to some underprivileged kid, sponsors an orphan in Rwanda, builds homes with Habitat for Humanity, and is a Scout Leader for the local troop? I mean, he's a janitor, and you're a major. You're obviously better than him.
          And obviously, Sir, you're more than qualified to correct the Sgt's spelling, grammar, and content when she writes her subordinates Performance Evaluations. So what if the Sgt teaches English as a second language over at the local college, and you know this because you're one of her students?
          And it's nice that the door to your office is open anytime we need to talk to you about our problems, Sir. Sure, the Corporal has twenty years in the military, has been married to the same woman for twenty-five, has put two kids through university, and done tours of duty in Sarajevo, the Golan Heights, Kuwait, Somalia, and Afghanistan. You're an officer, and are more than qualified to council him--even though you're only 22, just graduated university, don't have your driver's license yet--not that you can afford a car anyway because you spend your pay check every weekend down at the club trying to impress the local girls so that maybe one of them will sleep with you and then you're brother will stop teasing you about being a virgin--which is even more unlikely because until a couple of months ago you still lived at home with your mom.
          And obviously your ideas are better than any of the enlisted personnel's, because you have a degree. So what if you're degree is in Botany, and you're in charge of aircraft maintenance on the Flight Line?
          And before all you civilians start patting yourselves on the back, remember, it's not just the military who take the title "Superior" way too literally.
          You're a doctor, right? I mean, that's a noble profession, saving lives and all. Okay, so you're paid to save lives, and if the patient can't afford it, well I guess his life wasn't worth saving anyway, was it? Just because he ran into a burning building to rescue that little girl that time, risking his life in the process, and with no hope of payment or reward--he can't be as good as you. I mean, he's a garbage man, for crying out loud. (Oops, sorry. Sanitation Engineer.)
          And you, Mister Celebrity/Rock Star/Actor. We should hang on your every word, because obviously you're opinions have much more value than ours--even though you never finished high school, can't be bothered to read the newspaper because of all the big words, have sex with 15-year-old groupies, and generally can't dress yourself because you're high/drunk/gender-confused most of the time. We believe you when you tell us we should, "Support the war in Afghanistan, because someone has to stop Saddam Hussein from making BMWs. After all, we let the Germans make Volkswagens, and look what they did."
          Anyone who thinks they are better than you because of what they do for a living, or how much money they have, is deluded. Everyone is good at something, or at least more accomplished than most. The problem with the human race is that as soon as we realise we're "special", we'll form a club with others like ourselves to keep the riff raff out--no matter how insignificant our speciality may be.
          Apparently I'm not only a bad soldier, I'm a bad human being. And I'm not sure if that's a bad thing.

6 Feb

          The groundhog lied, the bastard. I know it didn't snow until mid January, but that doesn't mean they had to save up all that snow and dump it on us all at once now, does it? Obviously it's time for a more accurate animal weather forecaster.
          I'm thinking maybe a bear, but I doubt a bear would drag his lazy butt out of hibernation on February 2 just to tell a bunch of monkeys that it's not time to get up yet. I seriously doubt the mayor of Punxsutawney or Wiarton would be dragging the bears out of their cave the way they do Phil or Willy, either. If they did, there'd be a whole new method of forecasting along the lines of, "I only got 200 stitches this time; that means there'll be six more weeks of winter!"
          Maybe we should try ferrets.
          And I don't know who the new snowplough driver in my neighbourhood is, but he's my new hero. Not only has he made the effort not to fill my driveway in every time he goes by lately, but last night he actually shoved the snow banks at the end of my driveway back a good twenty feet. I'm sure it had more to do with the lack of visibility coming around the street corner, but still, thanks. (Yeah, like he's reading this.)

7 Feb

          Is it feed a fever, starve a cold? Or starve a fever, feed a cold. I can never remember which one it is. And what if you have both a fever and a cold.
          I say you put them both on Jenny Craig and let them battle it out.

I am so smart--S-M-R-T!  

How smart are you?

Apparantly being a WASP paid off.

12 Feb

Conga rats to Charlie and Rae, who tied the knot this weekend!

And, because Carol tagged me:

What is yours?
Explain yourself
Culinary: Leaving food on my plate. I still feel bad for all those kids starving in Africa
Literary: Edgar Rice Burroughs Tarzan was my hero and role model.
Audiovisual: The 5th Element Proof positive that *everyone* is having more fun than me.
Musical: The Ramones Hey, who *doesn't* want to be sedated?
Celebrity: Bruce Willis Hey always looks like he's having fun.

Now I tag:-

retrobabble ccfinlay stillnotbored andpuff and mmerriam

to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

13 Feb

          Just for the record, I liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and Sin City, and I couldn't care less whether they empower women or not. It is my belief that you cannot be empowered. Power given is not true power; you can only take power for yourself.
          The Pen is not mightier than the Sword. You can pass any law you like, but if you don't have an army to back you up, it doesn't mean squat. Of course, an "army" can take many different forms.
          Then again, I 'm one of those white, male bastards.

          Another agent reject for Darkside today. That's what I get for being mean to Leah--Instant Karma.
          But…I wrote 500 words on the new novel.

14 Feb

          Dear People With No Lives Who Read This:

          We had the squadron ski trip today, which was nice. At least I didn't break anything. Well, not anything of mine anyway. I think I held up pretty well, considering I’m old now and all.
          As a matter of fact, the hardest part was shoveling the driveway when I got home. (I think the stinky snowplow driver brought snow from other townships to dump in the end of my driveway.)
          I can't tell you how many words I've written on the new book today, because I'm actually in the process of writing them now, and…um…I've already sealed the envelope.



15 Feb

Happy Birthday palinade!!
Everyone go pester her with birthday greetings and bad jokes, and tell her I sent you.

16 Feb

New Definitions:
Clairvoyant - the ability to see into people's future.
Cairvoyeur - the ability to see into people's bedrooms.

Telekinesis - the ability to move stuff with your mind.
Telekinissan- the ability to move stuff with your car.

17 Feb

Bonus Question:  
Poll #929313 Bonus Question:
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

What does the S.K.S. in S.K.S. Perry stand for?

View Answers

"Stephen King Sucks!" Perry
3 (15.8%)

Steven Kenneth Stanley Perry
9 (47.4%)

Steven "K'ant Spell" Perry
5 (26.3%)

"Samozaryadniy Karabin sistemi " Perry
7 (36.8%)

20 Feb

          I have nothing to say, except to say that I have nothing to say, which means, I guess, that I have something to say, about nothing. Kind of like every other post I've ever written.
          Hey, I'm the Jerry Seinfeld of LJ!

21 Feb

          I went to a concert a couple of weeks ago (best sekrit Santa gift evah!) with my friend (and guitarist) Dave, his son, and his son's girlfriend. We had a great time, even though, as I think I've stated before, I have a hard time at concerts because I used to be up there.
          Anyway, the band was doing their power ballad, and people in the crowd opened up their cell phones and started waving them in the air, and I thought, "What gives." I mean, in my day (waves cane) we used to wave lit lighters. I guess maybe the youth of today aren't as fire retardant as we were back then. Still, you'd think they'd at least set the wall paper on their cell phones to a picture of a lighter, or a candle at least.
          These young'uns today just don't have no respect.

22 Feb

          So the Nurse Practitioner (what the hell is that?) that I had to wait two weeks to see told me yesterday that even though my levels are good, she'd still like to up my thyroid dosage. Unfortunately she's not allowed to prescribe drugs, so I had to make another appointment for two weeks from now to see the Doctor who can. *le sigh*
          Also, the last time I was there (two weeks past--sense the pattern?) they gave me some stuff (it comes in a big bingo dabber!) for the acne my 45 year old self has developed. Problem is, it's gotten worse.
          "Oh, it takes about 4-6 weeks to take effect. It gets worse before it gets better."
          Great, just what I need when I'm going to Ad Astra next week. Grrrrr.

          On a happier note, the new novel (think Shogun meets Pitch Black) is up to 3500 words.

23 Feb

          There are two Bluejays outside my window, today. Either that or they're crows and they've frozen that colour

27 Feb

          So James Cameron claims he's found the Tomb of Christ, his mother, wife, and son. If true, that's bad news for the Church.
          Not only that, it certainly devalues that Spear of Destiny I have hanging in my office. (I'm not sure what effect it'll have on the Arc of the Covenant in my basement, though.)

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
3,500 / 120,000

28 Feb

          I know a lot of you are asking the question--What is Steve watching? (As opposed to "What is Steve doing?" or more to the point "What has Steve done now?" As for "What was Steve thinking?" we won't even go there.)
          Anyway, last night I watched Law and Order: SVU (dark, depressing), NCIS (dark, quirky), The Unit (dark, frustrating), and Gilmore Girls (dim, quirky, amusing, chick-flicky). I know what you're thinking. That's a lot of television. Wouldn't that time have been better spent writing, reading, doing research, or composing music?
          Yeah, well who asked you? Get off my back, eh. *Damn busybodies.*

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
3,500 / 120,000