1 May

          I swear my life is becoming more like The Truman Show every day. It's starts first thing in the morning when I pull out of the driveway. I have to back out across a one-way street, checking first to see that the coast is clear. Of course there's not a car in sight while I lock the house, walk to the car, get in, buckle up, and start the engine. The moment I look in the rear-view mirror, however, I can just picture Christof leaning into his microphone and announcing, "Cue traffic." Whereupon every car for miles around suddenly appears out of nowhere and traipses past my house.
          The weather changes here in Borden so quickly it just has to be a special effect. If I plan any sort outdoor activity for today, by this afternoon there will be rain, or snow, or...volcanic ash. It doesn't matter that the long range forecast calls for it to be bright, sunny and warm for the next five days.
          And then there's this journal. I write in it most every day, and...well....someone must haves screwed up--some lowly production assistant, grip or gaffer or something, because when I look back on my entries, people have commented on them! It's like there's an audience watching my every move.
          But hey, I can live with that. I'd just like to talk to the scriptwriters. Because if my life is some freaky Steve Show I think the middle part is dragging. You need something to punch it up. Something like a big fat publishing contract, or a lottery win.
          Yeah, that's the ticket.
          Cue success.

3 May

          The folks on the Fruit Naming Board must have stayed up all night watching Buffy reruns, and were too tired the next morning to come up with an original name when it came to oranges. I mean, let's face it, orange is a colour, not a flavour. That's like naming apples reds, or bananas yellows. (Which would then result in mistaking fruit for drugs--so it's not all bad. I'd have no problem getting my recommended daily allowance of Reds.)
          Think about it. What other colour is also a flavour? (Nope--grape is the flavour; purple is the colour. Although it is interesting to note that nothing rhymes with orange or purple. Okay, maybe interesting isn't the right word.)
          Anyway, I suggest we change the name to something more fitting, like maybe opaes--Orange Pulpy Acidic Eye Squirter. (I initially considered perrys, but no doubt people would confuse them with that other fruit.
          Okay, so I'm bored. (And suddenly my icon is self-explanatory.) I'm currently working on waveguide theory and the dominant mode propagation properties of...zzzzzzzz.
 

5 May

          Idon't know about the translation, but I think it's a great character name. *g* My Japanese name is:                                          

石川 駿      Ishikawa  Shun (stone river-fast person).

 

8 May: A conversation on the way to the Drive-in.  

Me: Why is there a post-it note that says "Gas" covering the gas gauge.
Pen: Chewing on a stale piece of two-week-old red liquorice. It's to remind me to get gas.
Me: Isn't that what the gas gauge is for?
Pen: Still working hard on the liquorice. Shadup!
Me: Maybe we should just replace the gas gauge with little post-its that pop up whenever we get low?
Pen: Do you want me to hurt you now, or later?
Me: Later.
Pen: This liquorice is horrible. Do you want it?
Me: Sure. Pen hands me the piece she's been chewing on, and I take a bite. This isn't that bad, although I'm still not sure why you'd offer me a piece when you said it was horrible.
Pen: Snorts--very ladylike, I might add--then looks at me expectantly. You going to hand that back any time soon?

10 May

          I'm an aspiring novelist. I think that means I'm breathing, as opposed to all those asphyxiated writers out there. (You know who you are.) David Blaine tried to set a record for holding his breath for some nine minutes. He should try writing.
          More often as not I'm holding my breath--waiting for that acceptance/rejection letter, or some agent/editor/publisher/ to get back to me. Heck, I've been holding my breath for almost two months now. And no doubt Blaine got paid whether he succeeded or not.
          Of course if I crash and burn there won't be millions of people to witness my failure--just you folks. And I can kick your ass--yes, you!--so you'd better be nice. Sending cookies would be a nice gesture. As a matter of fact, avoid the rush and send some now.
          If I do get picked up, I'll have an agent and cookies. It's win-win.
          Well, for me anyway.

10 May

          You can all uncross your fingers. The agent said no.

12 May

          So I sent 11 queries out yesterday to agents who accept them by email. One of the agents rejected me in 8 minutes flat--and a personal rejection at that. (Eat your heart out GVG.) I had a request for a partial--they even allowed me to send the partial by email--who promptly rejected it (and were mean, to boot.)
          A second request for a partial came on the heels of the rejection of the first, but I have to snailmail this one. I'm a glutton for punishment.
          You know what they say: When one door closes, another...um...window slams shut on your fingers.

14 May

          Okay, coffee break's over. I've had two more requests for partials, so get those fingers crossed again. Er...please.

17 May

          You know, I keep getting responses from agents saying that although my work isn't exactly their cup of tea, they're sure there's an agent out there for me. I wish one of them would just point out this mythical agent to me. It would sure save us all a lot of time and bother. Just saying.
          And it's my wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary to me! (Feel free to wish Pen happy anniversary, too, I suppose. I guess she's had some small part in it.)

19 May

So I signed my evaluation for the year.
It SUCKED!
That's it. No more bad news, ya hear?
None. Zip. Zero. Zilch.
Or else.

(Damn, two less lines and and a bunch of syllables and it could've been a haiku.)

29 May

          If you're looking for an agent, I recommend Agent Query. They list agents by genre, there's a lot of good stuff like what to submit--query, query and first three chapters, whether they accept email queries, etc.--and their information seems up to date.
          Although I think they're tagline is a little grandiose. Agent Query: Find the Agent Who Will Find You a Publisher.
          Trust me, agents are a lot harder to find than, say, Waldo. Maybe agents should wear red and white striped shirts, and those dopey glasses--and the beret. That would make things much easier.
          Do you want to ask them, or should I?

bad segue

          Pen and I saw the Lord of the Rings stage play in Toronto this weekend, and thoroughly enjoyed it. (Although if you didn't already know the story, I suspect you might become a tad confused.)
          The guy who played Gollum was amazing, especially in the scene after Frodo and Sam sing about the stories that would be told about them when they were heroes. Gollum twists the song, making it both eerie and pathetic as he battles his duel personalities.
          The actor playing Sam was a stand-in, but he was great, too. Gladriel was beautiful, and had an incredible singing voice, and Boromir and Gimli managed to do a lot with a small, underwritten part.
          I thought that actor playing Gandalf was weak, and Strider, too, and the Legolas character seemed almost nonexistent.
          The costumes for the Dark Riders were way cool. Same goes for the orks--some of them on springy stilt-like arrangements. I didn't think they'd be able to do the Balrog and the giant spider justice, but trust me, they did.
         The fight where Eowyn kills the Nasgul was vague, as was the end where Gollum steals the ring and falls into the pit. Like I said before, if you hadn't seen the movie or read the books, you might have missed it. And of course they skipped a lot of stuff, and combined some of the battles. (I also thought the fight choreography was a little weak, but then I think I probably have a higher standard than most when it comes to that sort of thing.)
          Loved the music--mostly Irish/Celtic stuff.
          Overall, I'd still highly recommend it.

and

 

          I have an idea. (Aren't I posty today.)
          Seeing as it's only thirty degrees Celsius out, why don't we all wear dark green pants and a long sleeved dark shirt over a dark blue T-shirt. Then we can wear these heavy, grey wool socks and big, black leather boots, and a wool hat to top it all off. And then, just to be comfy, we can role up our sleeves.
          No?
          Okay, just you Canadian Military folks, then. (Sheesh!)

31 May

          I just received a request for a full manuscript from an agent who's read the first fifty pages of Darkside and really seems to like it. I've done some research (stalk-stalk) and this agent seems to be someone that I would love to work with.
          So, all you folks that have had your fingers and such crossed for me, now is the time to up the ante. You know, sacrificing small animals, offering up your first born, selling your soul to the Elder Gods--small stuff. I mean, don't put yourself out or anything.
          Thanks.