12 Oct
          Hey, all. Let's play Help Sperry Find a New Career!! Here's a list of stuff I could put on a resume (as opposed to the stuff I can't because it's Top Secret.) Take a look and help me decide what I should do next with my life. The winner gets Bupkiss (Bupkiss not available in all states) other than my undying gratitude. And here's a hint: I don't care if I ever see another aircraft as long as I live.

1.  Avionics Technician (Aircraft Electronics) with a specialty in Electronic Warfare. This job encompasses: Aircraft Servicing (marshalling, starting, fueling, and inspecting aircraft, and supervising thereof; electronics lab technician and supervisor; and diagnosing and repairing aircraft electronic faults, and the supervising of said work.

2.  Qualified Member of Aircraft Recovery Team (Crash Sites)

3.  Basic Electronics Theory Instructor: Everything from math to solid-state transistor theory, and the gamut in between--and then some.

4.  Avionics Instructor: teaching the operation, function, repair, and theory of various electronics aircraft systems. E.g. UHF radio, Doppler Radar, D&E Band Jammer.

5.  Basic Recruit Instructor: teaching and evaluating recruits on everything from how to shave to how to shoot including drill, rappelling, map and compass, Camouflage and Concealment, Field Movements, Building Improvised Shelters, General Service knowledge (leave policies, rank structure, Access to Information Act, Privacy Act, Queens Rules and Regulations, Service Discipline etc.) first aid, Gym, etc. 

6.  Martial Arts Instructor: Black belts in six forms, Royal Military College Ju Jitsu Instructor, taught Ontario Provincial Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, etc.; self-defense instructor;

7.  Base Defense Force Instructor: everything from riot control and crowd control formations, to bomb search, security checkpoints, frisking techniques, etc.

8.  Bodyguard

9.  IT Administrator: Network Administrator, diagnoses and repairs network and computer faults; creates and manages accounts; better than working familiarity with MS Office, Adobe Photoshop, Windows, etc.; builds and maintains desktop and laptop computers; setup and use of all manner of projection equipment, Smart Boards, etc.; sourcing and procurement of IT assets.

10.  Courses in WHMIS (Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System) Harassment Awareness, Instructional Techniques, Advanced Instructional Techniques, etc.

11.  Professional Musician: drummer with preference for Rock, R&B, and Alternative music.

Then there's all the stuff I can't mention. And I'm sure there's other stuff that will come to me, but this is all I can think of off the top of my head.

Oh yeah, and lets not forget writer in the mix.

13 Oct
          Conga Rats to the lovely Cecilia Dart-Thornton, who just signed a three book deal with TOR. All of those who were worried about her career can stop wasting your time now and concentrate on me.
          And just so as you don't go thinking my job isn't any fun, another Dumb Recruit Moment:

When we first get the recruits, they're confined to barracks for the first for weeks of training to "break them of any bad habits." It's not brainwashing per se; I prefer to think of it as forcing a square dogma into a round psyche. Anyway, one of the things we require them to do is to snap to attention and holler out AREA, or FLOOR, or ROOM, whenever we approach. And when the Canadian military snaps to attention, we make a lot of noise doing it. None of this Nancy-boy American drill where you slide the left foot in beside the right foot and keep your arms at your sides. We raise the left leg parallel to the ground and bring is "smartly down beside the right to the position of attention, striking the ground with the ball of the foot." It makes a real cool banging sound, especially if your indoors.
          Anyway, at the end of forth week the recruits are finally allowed out (if they're good, and they've earned it) and most of them head downtown to the hotels and the malls and whatnot. It's also, strangely enough, one of the first weekends the staff gets off. So my wife and I were walking through the mall and decided to check out the new toys in the Sony Store. (Just the mention of the word Sony often sets of a Pavlovian response in men, so I'll give you a moment to wipe the drool away before I continue.) As we entered the store I noticed several of my recruits browsing the wares. 
          Worse yet, they noticed me, whereupon one of them yelled out ROOM at the top of his lungs and they all snapped smartly to attention. So I told them to relax, and carry on, and mentioned that they really shouldn't do that off the base. I'd have been proud of them if it wasn't so embarrassing. Not to mention I'm pretty sure several of the other patrons in the Sony Store almost had a heart attack. And the looks I got when I left...they must of thought I was the leader of some fanatic cult or something, which, come to think of it, I guess I am.

17 Oct
          So Pen's company is sponsoring this season of Pacific Opera Victoria, which means they get to showcase some of their jewelry during the performances. I've been doing the security thing for them for free--well, not quite for free. I mean, I get free drinks, and I get to sleep with the girl that works the counter (as long as it's Pen, and not Sal...although you never know; I've seen the way Sal looks at me sometimes...but I digress.) 
          Anyway, I was doing the security thing the other night, standing there looking suave and debonair, yet in a mildly threatening way, when this little old lady asks me, "What would you do if I tried to run off with one of the diamonds."
          "Well, ma'am, I'm afraid I'd have to wrestle you to the ground," I told her.
          She perked up and turned to her friend. "Hear that, Betty, this young man is going to wrestle me to the ground. Let's call Margaret and we can make a night of it."
          It's hard to look mildly threatening when you're blushing.
          And apparently I'm doing great with the wealthy, older gay men. Pen figures she could make big bucks renting me out for the weekend. It's not exactly the career opportunity I had in mind, and I know I should keep my options open, but...
          And finally, joy of joys, I found Karin's Burndive at the local Chapters tonight. I bought the last copy, which is a good sign, but it was spine out--the miscreants. And speaking of miscreants, when I went to pay for it, the heathen that worked at the counter bent the cover back to scan it. I resisted the urge to reach across the counter and choke the life from her. Lucky for her she didn't crease the cover or anything, or there'd be one more ghost to haunt Victoria. (By the way, Karin, thanks for the thanks.)

26 Oct
      Me: What are the three crimes that military tribunal cannot try you for?
      Recruit: Murder, Manslaughter, and Sexual Harrassment.
      Me: Close--Sexual Assualt. Do you know the difference between Sexual Harrassment and Sexual Asault?
      Recruit: Harrasment comes first?


      Me: Just so as it won't be a surprise, Master Seaman Underhill is now P.O. (Petty Officer) Underhill. 
      Recruit: Does that mean we have to call him P.O. now?
      Me: No. P.O. is just a nickname. OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO CALL HIM P.O. NOW!