11 Oct
          Apparently my Personal Web Space Server has been down for a while, which is one of the reasons I haven't updated my Blog recently. It's one of the reasons, but not the reason. I thought about giving up on it. Nobody much seems to read it anymore, other than the odd relative (and I mean odd in every sense of the word), or someone Googling my name looking for one of those other, famous Steve Perrys. Most of my friends haven't followed the link since I've moved, and either haven't updated it on their Blogs, or have removed the link completely. 
         And even though it's not really a serious journal, being at least eighty percent nonsense at any given time, still, when I read back over the entries I get a sense of where I was coming from at that point in my life when I wrote it. I know I'd probably get more mileage out of an actual journal, but for some reason I feel compelled to update this blog. 
          Maybe I still suffer from the vain hope that I'll still be famous some day, and hordes of people will find it amusing. Or maybe, like everything else I do, I'm too stubborn to quit, even when it's obvious to everyone else that I've already lost horribly.
          So, to that end, even if I'm the only one who reads this, I will continue to update this blog. And hopefully it will be a lot more entertaining than this entry. Just consider this one a Public Service Announcement. 

12 Oct
          Okay, here's my day so far:
          Up at 06:30, shower, shave, shampoo (still can't afford realpoo), get dressed, take my vitamins, start the car, scrape the @$%^#$ frost off the windows, and get to work by 07:25. Once at work, I start up the computer (it's one of those older, propane powered models, and sometimes it takes six or seven pulls to get it going) and drink my Carnations Instant Breakfast while I'm waiting for the beast to boot up. (If I could drink the stuff while in bed and thereby get a couple of minutes of extra sleep, I'd be happy. I'm still working on shaving in bed. Showering is a bust.) Checked my email, quickly read the news and…everything comes to a screeching halt. 
          Apparently we don't have any homework packages to give the students, even though the guys that have been teaching this stuff have had, oh, TWO YEARS to prepare. Oddly enough, I seem to have arrived just in time. I spent all day creating a homework package, working straight through my lunch hour/nap time until 15:30, then killed the beast, rushed home, changed, and made it to the gym for 16:00. Did weights (chest today) and ran, and was home by 18:10. 
          Answered some email (the computer at home is one of those new fangled electric jobbies), and programmed the Satellite TV and VCR to tape the stuff Pen wants to watch 'cause she's working until 22:00. (Forgetting to tape the Gilmore Girls is grounds for divorce.) Then I made pasta, wrote this, updated my journal, ate dinner and….what, you think I'm clairvoyant or something. If anything interesting happens between now and tomorrow, I'll update it then. Nosy busybodies!

14 Oct
          Perry's Law No. 86 :  No matter how lousy a night's sleep you've had, your bed becomes infinitely more comfortable the instant your alarm goes off.

Canadian Military Rant No. 27B:
          In 2001? the Canadian Forces announced that the Army and Air Force work dress (our everyday uniform) would change from our distinctive environmental dress (combats for the army; blue shirt, pants, flight jacket etc. for the Air Force) to a digital camouflaged patterned combat uniform (CAD PATs) for both branches of the Service. For the Army, it offered better  camouflage protection, and for the Air Force it made sense as we normally ended up wearing combats whenever deployed anyways--something that occurred more and more frequently. As an added bonus it would be cheaper and easier to supply both branches with the one uniform. Sounds great, right?
          In typical military fashion, the CF managed to screw it up, badly. First off half the old farts in the Air Force didn't want to change uniforms. They liked their old blue work dress. It identified them as being Air Force. So the bright idea came down that we should make the Air Force CAD PATs distinctive from the Army's, (so much for advantage of supplying both branches with one uniform) with Velcro instead of buttons, blue rank insignia instead of brown or green, and an Air Force Blue T-shirt. (So much for camouflage).
          Then came the supply problems. The Reserve Force would be issued the new uniform first. You know, the guys who don't normally go anywhere where they might actually need it. The first batch came out with the pockets sewn on upside down, and sleeves that fell off, and colours that faded so badly that the forest green became almost a desert brown. Which ironically wasn't such a bad thing, as most of our deployments were in a desert environment anyway. 
          Then we ran into severe shortages. There weren't enough of the new Gortex socks or boots, so we're stuck with the old stuff until production catches up. And the Air Force Blue T-shirt that we're supposed to be issued with our CAD PATs . Sorry, we don't have any yet, but here's the make and model number of two brands that you can buy on your own at Wal Mart. (Strangely enough, they were a dollar cheaper than what they were selling them for if you wanted to buy replacements at Clothing Stores--if they had any, of course, which they didn't, which was why you had to buy them downtown in the first place. Confused? Me too.) If you're lucky enough to get the new CAD PATs, you'd find that they didn't have the requisite raincoat, parka, jacket, etc. to go with it, so you still had to wear the old blue stuff you had. (Again, the camouflage issue.)
          Finally, there weren't near enough CAD PAT's to go around, so we learned we wouldn't be getting them until the fall of  2002, which became the fall of 2003, then 2004, and now, apparently 2005. So some of us have them, and some of us don't. Worst of all, since we're all supposedly getting the new stuff, they stopped making the old stuff, which means if you're still in the old uniform, like me, you can't get replacements for clothing that wears out.
Of course, this is what happens when you constantly go with the lowest bidder. Let's face it; there are only fifty-thousand members in the CF--that's Army, Air Force and Navy. If we had given the contract to SEARS we probably would have been outfitted in a month, tops. 

17 Oct
          Perry's Law No. 87: Your ability to fall asleep varies inversely with the amount of time left before you have to get up.

Ability to Fall Asleep =                 1
                             Time left before you have to get up

Ability to Fall Asleep ­ Time left before you have to get up ¯

18 Oct
          Still no word from BAEN on Darkside. Maybe they've lost it again and haven't bothered to tell me. Or maybe their computer crashed again, wiping out all their submissions, and they haven't bothered to tell me. Oh, crap! I'd better check the bookstores. Maybe they've published it, and haven't bothered to tell me.

19 Oct
          We are all individuals, which is something we have in common. So I suppose in order to be an actual individual, I'd have to be the same as everyone else. Then I'd be truly unique.


         There's what we believe, what we know, and what we believe we know. I believe that most of what we know falls into the latter category, but I don't know. Still, whether we believe, know, or believe we know, I think most of us can agree....Paris Hilton is a silly tramp.

21 Oct
          I read The Da Vinci Vinci Code, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. Of course the subject material was right up my alley, so that didn't hurt its chances none. And this was definitely a story of substance over style--story over technique. I mean, for a guy who used to be an English teacher at Phillips Exeter Academy, his story-telling technique could use a little work.
          For example, here's a dissected passage from the book as noted by Jeffery K. Pullum on Language Log:

A voice spoke, chillingly close. "Do not move."
On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly.
Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils. 

          Just count the infelicities here. A voice doesn't speak —a person speaks; a voice is what a person speaks with. "Chillingly close" would be right in your ear, whereas this voice is fifteen feet away behind the thundering gate. The curator (do we really need to be told his profession a third time?) cannot slowly turn his head if he has frozen; freezing (as a voluntary human action) means temporarily ceasing all muscular movements. And crucially, a silhouette does not stare! A silhouette is a shadow. If Saunière can see the man's pale skin, thinning hair, iris color, and red pupils (all at fifteen feet), the man cannot possibly be in silhouette.

The basic premise isn't even a new idea. As a matter of fact, Dan Brown is being sued by a couple of people--notably the authors of Holy Blood Holy Grail.
          Still, the story is fun, and apparently millions loved it--questions of historical accuracy aside.
          But what I want to know is this: 
          I just read the prequel to The Da Vinci Code--Angels and Demons, and it is remarkably similar in plot and character. It begins with a murder. The murder victim's daughter helps the protagonist throughout the novel, there's an assassin, a powerful mystery man pulling the strings from behind the scenes who' identity is only revealed at the end, a secret society, puzzles that must be solved that have our heroes racing about Rome and the Vatican to save the day, lots of neat, historical information…the comparisons are endless. So why wasn't this novel a runaway best seller? What about it failed to capture the public's interest the way the Da Vinci Code did, when for all intents and purposes they could almost be the same book?
          Is it any wonder publishers so often fail when choosing books that they think will sell?
          And why haven't they bought Darkside yet? (Sorry, just thought I'd throw that one in there while I had you distracted.)

23 Oct
          All, right. What gives? I've been trying for at least ten years now to achieve an Out of Body experience, and so far nada. I know lots of people who claim to have done so, and to be honest some of them were at least one DVD short of a Box Set, if you know what I mean. (If you don't, don't worry about it. I often have no idea what I'm talking about either.) 
          I've tried just about everything: orienting myself in the proper direction, meditation, breathing techniques, visualizations, hemi-sync audio, etc, etc, etc…and nothing. You'd think with all the crap I've put my body through (I've jumped out of perfectly serviceable aircraft, afterall. Well, okay…maybe not perfectly serviceable. I know the jokers that work on them.) that at least once my consciousness would have rebelled and told my body, "No freaking way! You go on ahead without me and I'll meet you later when you're safe on the ground." 
          But no. Apparently I have to have the only ID that's into Extreme Sports.

25 Oct
          Wow, my website has had 15000 visitors--or at least 15000 visits. It's definitely time for an oil change. Although, to tell you the truth, I've had my eye on a new, four-wheel-drive website. Hey, I do live in the Snow Belt, after all. Which I suppose is better than the Rain Pants, or the Volcanic Ash Suspenders.

28 Oct
          LOST is one of my favorite new shows on TV, and full of fascinating survival tips. I mean, in all the survival courses I've been subjected too, not once did they mention that if you take your shirt off when being chased by an angry swarm of bees, they won't sting you. 
          Apparently it's even more effective if they're two of you, and one of you is a good looking woman. It's a good thing they didn't strip down to their skivvies, or no doubt the bees would have presented them with gifts of honey right there and then. (Although I hear mooning a wild boar will stop it from charging--not that I have any desire to put that one to the test, either.)