Apparently my Personal Web Space Server has been down for a while, which
is one of the reasons I haven't updated my Blog recently. It's one of the
reasons, but not the reason. I thought about giving up on it. Nobody
much seems to read it anymore, other than the odd relative (and I mean
odd in every sense of the word), or someone Googling my name looking for
one of those other, famous Steve Perrys. Most of my friends haven't followed
the link since I've moved, and either haven't updated it on their Blogs,
or have removed the link completely.
And even though it's not really a serious journal, being at least eighty
percent nonsense at any given time, still, when I read back over the entries
I get a sense of where I was coming from at that point in my life when
I wrote it. I know I'd probably get more mileage out of an actual journal,
but for some reason I feel compelled to update this blog.
Maybe I still suffer from the vain hope that I'll still be famous some
day, and hordes of people will find it amusing. Or maybe, like everything
else I do, I'm too stubborn to quit, even when it's obvious to everyone
else that I've already lost horribly.
So, to that end, even if I'm the only one who reads this, I will continue
to update this blog. And hopefully it will be a lot more entertaining than
this entry. Just consider this one a Public Service Announcement.
Okay, here's my day so far:
Up at 06:30, shower, shave, shampoo (still can't afford realpoo), get dressed,
take my vitamins, start the car, scrape the @$%^#$ frost off the windows,
and get to work by 07:25. Once at work, I start up the computer (it's one
of those older, propane powered models, and sometimes it takes six or seven
pulls to get it going) and drink my Carnations Instant Breakfast while
I'm waiting for the beast to boot up. (If I could drink the stuff while
in bed and thereby get a couple of minutes of extra sleep, I'd be happy.
I'm still working on shaving in bed. Showering is a bust.) Checked my email,
quickly read the news and…everything comes to a screeching halt.
Apparently we don't have any homework packages to give the students, even
though the guys that have been teaching this stuff have had, oh, TWO YEARS
to prepare. Oddly enough, I seem to have arrived just in time. I spent
all day creating a homework package, working straight through my lunch
hour/nap time until 15:30, then killed the beast, rushed home, changed,
and made it to the gym for 16:00. Did weights (chest today) and ran, and
was home by 18:10.
Answered some email (the computer at home is one of those new fangled electric
jobbies), and programmed the Satellite TV and VCR to tape the stuff Pen
wants to watch 'cause she's working until 22:00. (Forgetting to tape the
Gilmore Girls is grounds for divorce.) Then I made pasta, wrote this, updated
my journal, ate dinner and….what, you think I'm clairvoyant or something.
If anything interesting happens between now and tomorrow, I'll update it
then. Nosy busybodies!
Perry's Law No. 86 : No matter how lousy a night's sleep you've had,
your bed becomes infinitely more comfortable the instant your alarm goes
Canadian Military Rant
In 2001? the Canadian Forces announced that the Army and Air Force work
dress (our everyday uniform) would change from our distinctive environmental
dress (combats for the army; blue shirt, pants, flight jacket etc. for
the Air Force) to a digital camouflaged patterned combat uniform (CAD PATs)
for both branches of the Service. For the Army, it offered better
camouflage protection, and for the Air Force it made sense as we normally
ended up wearing combats whenever deployed anyways--something that occurred
more and more frequently. As an added bonus it would be cheaper and easier
to supply both branches with the one uniform. Sounds great, right?
In typical military fashion, the CF managed to screw it up, badly. First
off half the old farts in the Air Force didn't want to change uniforms.
They liked their old blue work dress. It identified them as being Air Force.
So the bright idea came down that we should make the Air Force CAD PATs
distinctive from the Army's, (so much for advantage of supplying both branches
with one uniform) with Velcro instead of buttons, blue rank insignia instead
of brown or green, and an Air Force Blue T-shirt. (So much for camouflage).
Then came the supply problems. The Reserve Force would be issued the new
uniform first. You know, the guys who don't normally go anywhere where
they might actually need it. The first batch came out with the pockets
sewn on upside down, and sleeves that fell off, and colours that faded
so badly that the forest green became almost a desert brown. Which ironically
wasn't such a bad thing, as most of our deployments were in a desert environment
Then we ran into severe shortages. There weren't enough of the new Gortex
socks or boots, so we're stuck with the old stuff until production catches
up. And the Air Force Blue T-shirt that we're supposed to be issued with
our CAD PATs . Sorry, we don't have any yet, but here's the make and model
number of two brands that you can buy on your own at Wal Mart. (Strangely
enough, they were a dollar cheaper than what they were selling them for
if you wanted to buy replacements at Clothing Stores--if they had any,
of course, which they didn't, which was why you had to buy them downtown
in the first place. Confused? Me too.) If you're lucky enough to get the
new CAD PATs, you'd find that they didn't have the requisite raincoat,
parka, jacket, etc. to go with it, so you still had to wear the old blue
stuff you had. (Again, the camouflage issue.)
Finally, there weren't near enough CAD PAT's to go around, so we learned
we wouldn't be getting them until the fall of 2002, which became
the fall of 2003, then 2004, and now, apparently 2005. So some of us have
them, and some of us don't. Worst of all, since we're all supposedly getting
the new stuff, they stopped making the old stuff, which means if you're
still in the old uniform, like me, you can't get replacements for clothing
that wears out.
Of course, this is
what happens when you constantly go with the lowest bidder. Let's face
it; there are only fifty-thousand members in the CF--that's Army, Air Force
and Navy. If we had given the contract to SEARS we probably would have
been outfitted in a month, tops.
Perry's Law No. 87: Your ability to fall asleep varies inversely
with the amount of time left before you have to get up.
Ability to Fall Asleep
Time left before you have to get up
Ability to Fall Asleep
Time left before you have to get
Still no word from BAEN on Darkside. Maybe they've lost it again and haven't
bothered to tell me. Or maybe their computer crashed again, wiping out
all their submissions, and they haven't bothered to tell me. Oh, crap!
I'd better check the bookstores. Maybe they've published it, and haven't
bothered to tell me.
We are all individuals, which is something we have in common. So I suppose
in order to be an actual individual, I'd have to be the same as everyone
else. Then I'd be truly unique.
There's what we believe, what we know, and what we believe we know. I believe
that most of what we know falls into the latter category, but I don't know.
Still, whether we believe, know, or believe we know, I think most of us
can agree....Paris Hilton is a silly tramp.
I read The Da Vinci Vinci Code, and I have to say I really enjoyed it.
Of course the subject material was right up my alley, so that didn't hurt
its chances none. And this was definitely a story of substance over style--story
over technique. I mean, for a guy who used to be an English teacher at
Phillips Exeter Academy, his story-telling technique could use a little
For example, here's a dissected passage from the book as noted by Jeffery
K. Pullum on Language Log:
A voice spoke, chillingly
close. "Do not move."
On his hands and
knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly.
Only fifteen feet
away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker
stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin
and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils.
Just count the infelicities here. A voice doesn't speak —a person speaks;
a voice is what a person speaks with. "Chillingly close" would be right
in your ear, whereas this voice is fifteen feet away behind the thundering
gate. The curator (do we really need to be told his profession a third
time?) cannot slowly turn his head if he has frozen; freezing (as a voluntary
human action) means temporarily ceasing all muscular movements. And crucially,
a silhouette does not stare! A silhouette is a shadow. If Saunière
can see the man's pale skin, thinning hair, iris color, and red pupils
(all at fifteen feet), the man cannot possibly be in silhouette.
The basic premise isn't
even a new idea. As a matter of fact, Dan Brown is being sued by a couple
of people--notably the authors of Holy Blood Holy Grail.
Still, the story is fun, and apparently millions loved it--questions of
historical accuracy aside.
But what I want to know is this:
I just read the prequel to The Da Vinci Code--Angels and Demons, and it
is remarkably similar in plot and character. It begins with a murder. The
murder victim's daughter helps the protagonist throughout the novel, there's
an assassin, a powerful mystery man pulling the strings from behind the
scenes who' identity is only revealed at the end, a secret society, puzzles
that must be solved that have our heroes racing about Rome and the Vatican
to save the day, lots of neat, historical information…the comparisons are
endless. So why wasn't this novel a runaway best seller? What about it
failed to capture the public's interest the way the Da Vinci Code did,
when for all intents and purposes they could almost be the same book?
Is it any wonder publishers so often fail when choosing books that they
think will sell?
And why haven't they bought Darkside yet? (Sorry, just thought I'd throw
that one in there while I had you distracted.)
All, right. What gives? I've been trying for at least ten years now to
achieve an Out of Body experience, and so far nada. I know lots of people
who claim to have done so, and to be honest some of them were at least
one DVD short of a Box Set, if you know what I mean. (If you don't, don't
worry about it. I often have no idea what I'm talking about either.)
I've tried just about everything: orienting myself in the proper direction,
meditation, breathing techniques, visualizations, hemi-sync audio, etc,
etc, etc…and nothing. You'd think with all the crap I've put my body through
(I've jumped out of perfectly serviceable aircraft, afterall. Well, okay…maybe
not perfectly serviceable. I know the jokers that work on them.) that at
least once my consciousness would have rebelled and told my body, "No freaking
way! You go on ahead without me and I'll meet you later when you're safe
on the ground."
But no. Apparently I have to have the only ID that's into Extreme Sports.
Wow, my website has had 15000 visitors--or at least 15000 visits. It's
definitely time for an oil change. Although, to tell you the truth, I've
had my eye on a new, four-wheel-drive website. Hey, I do live in the Snow
Belt, after all. Which I suppose is better than the Rain Pants, or the
Volcanic Ash Suspenders.
LOST is one of my favorite new shows on TV, and full of fascinating survival
tips. I mean, in all the survival courses I've been subjected too, not
once did they mention that if you take your shirt off when being chased
by an angry swarm of bees, they won't sting you.
Apparently it's even more effective if they're two of you, and one of you
is a good looking woman. It's a good thing they didn't strip down to their
skivvies, or no doubt the bees would have presented them with gifts of
honey right there and then. (Although I hear mooning a wild boar will stop
it from charging--not that I have any desire to put that one to the test,