1 Sep
What would you rather do?
5 Sep
Sunday night I went to bed
feeling fine. Monday morning
I woke up with an ache
between my shoulder blades.
By Monday afternoon I could
barely turn my head, never
mind stand straight. It even
hurts when I breathe. I feel
like Quasimodo, with my chin
tucked into my chest, all
stoop shouldered and my
upper body canted to the
right.
I went to the doctor this
morning, who prescribed
anti-inflammatories, muscle
relaxants, painkillers, and
A535. I'm off work for a
couple of days, but I had to
convince the idiot to give
me the time off. At first
all he'd written down was
"Upper body PT at own pace
for seven days." Not even
light duties. In the
military that means you
still have to go to work,
still have to go to PT,
you're still eligible to be
on parade or do any type of
work they see fit.
I'd like to blame it on
the fact that he was a
civilian doctor hired by the
CF because of serious
manpower shortages, but the
truth is the military ones
are as bad, or worse.
It's bad enough that now
I'm so old I can apparently
hurt myself in my sleep
(next thing I know I'll be
falling down and breaking a
hip or something), but to
have to deal with idiots
like that only make things
worse.
I really really really
really really need to be my
own boss.
6 Sep:
I wonder if reverse psychology works
on agents.
Dear Agent:
I'm sending you this
query even though several of
your colleagues have
informed me that there is no
market for humorous fantasy.
In my opinion, a competent
agent should be able to sell
a good novel despite the
perceived market. After all,
how else are trends started?
I'm sim-subbing this
query because, let's face
it, you probably
couldn't sell DARKSIDE.
Still, I believe in giving
everyone an equal
opportunity, so don't be too
disappointed if you fail.
No luv,
Me.
Okay, maybe not.
7 Sep: What the &%@#?
Sometimes I swear reality
shifts around me. I can't
tell you how many times I've
been driving along a
familiar route--sometimes
one that I take practically
every day--and thought,
"Where the hell did that
house come from? I don't
ever remember seeing it
before." And it's not like
it's a new house, either.
It's obviously one that's
been there for a while.
Sometimes it's a playground,
or a vacant lot, or a store
of some kind.
Maybe it's like reverse
déjà vu.
If I ever find the guy
who's programming my matrix,
I'm going to beat the snot
out of him for messing with
it. I mean, how come I never
have one of those, "Hey,
where the hell did all that
money come from?" moments.
|
What Is Your Battle
Cry? |
|
Hark! Who is
that, rampaging across
the freeway! It is
Sksperry, hands
clutching a piece of
chainlink fence! He
roars mightily:
"As sure as
predators devour prey, I
hereby void your
warranty, and send you
back to God!" |
9 Sep
It's my brother's birthday
today.
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY JAMES!
He's the younger, taller,
better looking brother. Mom
always liked him best.
11 Sep
Today is my sister-in-law's
birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
KATHY!!
(She threatened me with
bodily harm if I didn't wish
her happy birthday on my
journal in the biggest font
possible, and my brother's a
cop and will show her how to
make it look like an
accident.)
12 Sep
So
![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jsgbits
was visiting with
retrobabble
over the weekend, which
somehow translates as more
work for me. That's right,
the two of them got together
and outlined a book they
feel I should write.
Thank God Pen wasn't with
them, or I'd be writing this
book while mowing the lawn
and painting the bathroom.
(No doubt while the three of
them went shopping.)
Speaking of Pen, she just
got a big raise at work,
because she's worth it. (Woohoo!
No more no-name macaroni and
cheese!)
My Personality
| |
|
|
Neuroticism
|
|
|
Extraversion
|
|
|
Openness To
Experience
|
|
|
Agreeableness
|
|
|
Conscientiousness
|
|
13 Sep
Britany Spears just had
another baby? Didn't she
just have the first one,
like, 3 months ago? Just
what is the gestation
period for celebrities
anyway? Although I suppose
that explains why they're in
perfect shape 2 weeks after
having the baby, and posing
naked for Playboy.
While I was away on
vacation, it seemed like
people were posting like 27
times a day on LJ, and now
that I'm home--nothing.
What's up? Is it all, "Shhhhhh.
He's back!"
Come on, people.
Entertain me.
14 Sep
I think I enjoyed writing a lot more
back before I knew about the business
of publishing, probably in the same
way that couples who are trying to get
pregnant enjoyed sex more before they
were trying to get pregnant.
Take the analogy and run
with it, and see if you get my
meaning.
18 Sep
Argghhh! I had a great funny
line that I've totally
forgotten now. One of those,
"I'm going to beat you so
bad......"
I used to carry around a
PDA (a Sony Clie) and I
would write these lines down
as soon as I thought of
them, because I knew I'd
forget them--like this one.
But the screen on my PDA
died (the second one, and at
$400 a pop...). Pen gave me
an old Palm Pilot she used
to use, but it...um...sucks.
(Monochrome screen, and my
new computer doesn't have a
port to connect it
to--everything's USB now--so
I can't back it up. I hadn't
used it for a while, so the
battery died and I lost
everything that was on it.
Grrrr.) And so I forgot the
line.
I refuse to buy a new PDA
until they come combined
with a cell phone, camera
(video too) and MP3 player
all in one. I don't have
enough pockets to carry
around one of each, and hey,
I'm a guy...we don't have
purses, and Pen complains
when I make her carry all of
my stuff in hers. Go figure.
There are a few all
singing all dancing PDAs out
now, but they're still
really expensive, or you
have to buy into a plan
that...um...makes you their
indentured servant for three
years, I think. And I don't
really need a data plan--I'm
perfectly fine with updating
my PDA from my computer.
But I wish to hell I
could remember that funny
line....
Okay, some of you
have missed the
point behind my
whole PDA rant.
Carrying a pen and
paper won't cut
it, because the
point is to only
have to carry
one thing:
phone, MP3 player,
camera, video
camera, PDA. If
they'd make
wallets electronic
too, I'd be in
heaven, because
then I could add
money, credit
cards, driver's
license, gift
cards etc. to the
list. And if you
could implant the
whole damn thing
in a chip, I'd be
in heaven.
"We can rebuild him. Make
him stronger
faster more
organized than he
was before...."
21 Sep
So I was reading this
article the other day about
how women tend to classify
men into one of three
categories:
1. men they'd date;
2. men they'd marry;
3. friends. (I think they
left out men they'd run
screaming from, but hey.)
Still I think that's quite
different from men who
probably divide women into:
1. women they'd do;
2. women they'd do but they
wouldn't want their buddies
to find out;
3. women they wouldn't do.
A guy's morality is then
based upon which women he
places into what category.
For instance, hopefully
family members would fall
into the latter category. If
they fell into the second
category, their morals would
no doubt be frowned upon,
and if they fell into the
first category, well, then
they're from Kentucky.
Attention Amber Van
Dyk:
Is today your
birthday? Cause if
it is,
“H A P P Y B I
R T H D A Y!!!!”
and if it isn’t,
please disregard
this message, as
it will self
destruct in
3…2…1….1….1…
Damn cheap Korean
self destruct
mechanisms.
Luv,
Steve
P.S. If your
birthday is the
27th, just cut and
paste this message
as appropriate.
22 Sep Just because E asked.
01. Do we know each other
outside of LJ?
02. Whats your philosophy on
life?
03. Would you have my back
in a fight?
04. Would you keep a secret
from me if you thought it
was in my best interest?
05. What is your favorite
memory of us?
06. Would you give me a
kidney?
07. Tell me one
odd/interesting fact about
you:
08. Would you take care of
me when I'm sick?
09. Can we get together and
make a cake?
10. Have you heard any
rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed)
crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good
person?
13. Would you drive across
country with me?
14. Do you think I'm
attractive?
15. If you could change
anything about me, would
you?
16. What do you wear to
sleep?
17. Would you come over for
no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date
with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to
live, what would we do
together?
20. Will you repost this so
I can fill it out for you? .
BONUS QUESTION: What should
my next journal entry be
about? A story, an idea, a
day in the life, whatever. I
might even fulfill your
request if you're lucky!
http://sksperry.livejournal.com/70934.html
23 Sep
Answers to the Bonus
Question:
deannahoak:
Your opinion on whether
you ought to have to wear
you hat out to the parade
grounds?
I hate hats. I never wore a
hat (or a belt, for that
matter) until I joined the
military. Since they're part
of the uniform, you have to
wear one or get charged for
improper dress. That said,
if I have to wear
one, at least I look good in
the CF beret. Pretty much
any other hat makes me look
dorky(er).
Don't get me started on the
air force wedge. (It
initially belonged to the
army, and even they
were smart enough to ditch
it.) Stick it on your head
and you get a bunch of men
standing around looking like
flat-head screwdrivers. But
even the wedge is better
than the old forge--or
peak--caps. Those things
weighed a ton, you had to
wear it in such a way that
you constantly had your nose
stuck up in the air (which
might explain why the
officers still wear them)
and the head band would get
sweaty and then shrink in
the sun constricting around
your forehead like that old
Indian torture trick.
Wearing a hat on parade is a
pain, since ours are made of
wool and usually dark in
colour--just what you want
on your head when you've
been standing absolutely
still for the last hour and
a half outside in the sun
and ninety-plus heat.
mrissa:
And your next journal
entry should be about bones.
I don't know why. It's just
what the nearest note on my
novel says, and it no longer
makes any sense to me, so I
bequeath it to you.
Most of the stuff I know
about bones has to do with
breaking them, or splinting
them. (Btw, if I break
someone else's I generally
don't splint them.) The
collarbone is the easiest
bone in the body to break,
which is why most kids
manage to break it. It only
takes about four pounds of
pressure to break--good to
know in a self-defense
situation. Just hammer down
on it with a closed fist and
presto. It also makes the
arm useless, so they can't
try smacking you afterwards.
(So break both, just to be
safe.) And it's really hard
to splint. All you can do is
try to immobilize the arm
and shoulder with a bunch of
broad bandages.
hkneale:
I want to hear a humorous
anecdote. Doesn't have to be
true.
I went to a matinee today to
see Jet Li's new movie,
FEARLESS. (Pretty good
martial arts flick, btw.) So
I'm waiting for the movie to
start--just me and about 15
or 20 other guys spaced
throughout the theatre, when
this couple walks in.
They're standing at the
bottom of the theatre trying
to decide where to sit, and
I just couldn't resist
myself, so I yelled out,
"Hey, you! What's the big
idea bringing a girl?"
Everyone in the theatre
cracked up, including the
couple. They didn't sit near
me, however.
retrobabble:
Kumquats. Go.
First off, you're a freak.
Secondly, it's spelled
cumquat. (Damn Americans.)
Cumquats are known as
the "little jewel of the
citrus family," which is
even stranger since they
haven't been classified as
citrus since 1915. (Let it
go, man.) A cumquat contains
about 275 calories--roughly
the same as most chocolate
bars. Can you guess which
one I'm going to be
eating?
26 Sep
"Part of a U.S. spy report
finished in April and leaked
last weekend said the U.S.
invasion of Iraq helped
increase the terrorism
threat."
Way to go, eh.
And in keeping with that,
watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-Lc-G-7FWA
In five words, explain
what ended your last
friendship? A 7.62 mm
sniper round.
How was your prom night?
Dark, with (drunken) hazy
periods, and occasional
flashes. (Luckily the
trenchcoat wasn't belted.)
Do you have any famous
relatives? Not any that
will admit to it.
Have you taken out loans
to pay for college? No.
I believe any college I
attend should stand on its
feet and pay its own loans.
Call it tough love.
What did you receive last
in the mail? Vogue,
Cosmo, and Chatelaine. Pen
has subscriptions--honest.
*ahem*
What beverages have you
drank today? As opposed
to the beverages I chewed?
Diet Pepsi, of course.
Do you leave nasty
messages on people's
answering machines?
Never. The masking tape
keeps coming loose and the
messages fall off.
What's the most painful
surgical procedure you've
had done? Had done to
who?
What is out your back
door? I never discuss my
sex life in public.
Do you usually go out on
the weekends? Yep, and
then I come back in again.
It's a vicious circle.
Do you like what the
ocean does to your hair?
No, I'm pretty sure most of
it went out with the tide,
and never came back in!
Have you ever visited a
planetarium or do you even
know what one is? Sure,
after all, the aliens
offered to take me there on
their space shipium.
What is your favorite
flavor of pudding?
Pudding comes in flavours?
Damn.
Describe your keychains:
Well, they're about this
high, and this long...
Where do you keep your
change? On some homeless
guy.
When was the last time
you got up and spoke in
front of a large crowd?
At a Jenni Craig meeting.
Oh, you mean numerous.
What kind of winter coat
do you have? A thick
furry one, but it's still
only fall, so it hasn't
finished growing in yet.
What was the weather like
on your graduation day?
Well, if Vice Principal
Janson was right, it must
have been about -80 degrees.
(He said something about a
cold day in hell....)
Do you sleep with the
door to your bedroom open or
closed? Closed, and
locked. But usually from the
outside. And there's bars on
the windows. Go figure.
Is there anything purple
within 20 feet of you?
Not yet.
What is the strangest
thing you've put in the
microwave? Jiffy pop.
(Sparks like a bugger.)
Don't laugh, those little
microwavable bags catch fire
on the stove, too.
Can you speak any
Japanese? Enough to find
the bathroom, find a
restaurant, and get my face
slapped.
Do you look good in the
color yellow? Depends,
how do you feel about
jaundice.
Do you spit or smoke?
Decisions, decisions.
What is your favorite color(s)? Black.
Ever played an
instrument? Yep, I even
got paid for it. (And no,
not to stop.)
Do you believe in
Bigfoot, or Sasquatch?
Of course--everyone needs
moral support now and then.
Ever been to a palm
reader? Yeah, but
apparently my font is too
small.
Did they tell you the
truth about your future?
Well, we don’t know yet now,
do we?
What are you thinking
about at this very moment?
"Tell me about the rabbits,
George."
Have you ever received a
black eye? Yes, aren't
mail order catalogues
wonderful?
What is your biggest
current disappointment?
10 milliamps.
What are some of your
favorite drinks? Diet
Pepsi.
Do you have anything that
hurts on your body at this
time? Nope..
Have you ever ridden in a
taxi? Yep, in reverse,
with the windows shot out
while being chased by a
tank.
What is the last
alcoholic drink you had?
All my drinks are in a 12
step program, and it
wouldn't be fair to talk
about them here.
Did you do anything
special last night?
Locked bedroom, remember?.
What is your very
favorite food? Probably
spaghetti, but don't tell
the other foods or they'll
get jealous.
|
8 (40.0%)