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Most (if not all) people who search with the intention of initiating a reunion have preconceived ideas about what the actual reunion will be like. This can either help to prepare them or set them up for a real disappointment. Do your best to let go of any 'fantasy' images you have of your birth relative(s).

Everyone will have different reactions to reunions, and these reactions can change over time. Take things one step at a time!

There are various ways of establishing contact, including on the phone, in a letter, via email, or in person. I chose to start with letters so that I could take all the information in at *my* speed, although I became so comfortable and so eager for more information, our contact quickly moved to the telephone, email, and eventually, personal visits. This is not to say that this would be the best route for you — only you know what you're ready for.

You're going to meet...now what?

  • Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that you're not comfortable doing. You can help set the pace of the reunion. On the other hand, you'll have to respect the other person's wishes in this same regard. it can be tough because emotions are running high, but always remember that mutual respect goes a long way!

  • Get support from people close to you. This will help you deal with things and ensure that your loved ones don't feel left out of this huge event in your life.

  • Don't get overwhelmed! It's easy to get caught up in the emotions, but remember that this is only one aspect of your life.

  • If it goes well, enjoy! If it doesn't go well, move on. This experience does not define who you are or what you're worth.

Check out these related websites:

Making Contact via Phone
Interesting tips for that initial phone call

Making Contact After the Search
Information about various methods of contact

Five Stages of Reunion
Includes information about the fears which all adoption triad members may face


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