Signs your cat may be planning to kill you


  • Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  • Unexplained calls to F. Lee Baileyís 900 number on your bill.
  • He actually *does* have your tongue.
  • You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
  • Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
  • You wake up to find a birdís head in your bed.
  • As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  • Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
  • Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
  • Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
  • You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
  • Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  • Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
  • Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangmanís noose.
  • You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says: "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

    ... and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You ...

  • Now sharpens claws on your carís brake lines.

    - Author Unknown