| My cat does not barf hairballs | he is a floor/rug redecorator |
| My cat does not break things | she helps gravity do its job |
| My cat does not fear dogs | they are merely sprint practice tools |
| My cat does not gobble | she eats with alacrity |
| My cat does not scratch | he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator |
| My cat does not yowl | he is singing off-key |
| My cat is not a "shedding machine" | she is a hair relocation stylist |
| My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" | she enjoys the proximity of food |
| My cat is not a bed hog | he is a mattress appreciator |
| My cat is not a chatterbox | she is advising me on what to do next |
| My cat is not a dope addict | she is catnip appreciative |
| My cat is not a lap fungus | he is bed selective |
| My cat is not a pest | she is attention deprived |
| My cat is not a ruthless hunter | she is a wildlife control expert |
| My cat is not evil | she is badness enhanced |
| My cat is not fat | he is mass enhanced |
| My cat is not hydrophobic | she has an inability to appreciate moisture |
| My cat is not lazy | he is motivationally challenged |
| My cat is not underfoot | she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!) |
