Frequently Asked Questions



How are you?

     Fine, thanks.


Can I help you?

     Yes, Iíd like the blue one on the shelf behind you. No, the blue one. Thatís green. I want the blue one. Blue. Blue. That one. To the left. Left. The blue one on the left! Oh, forget it. Iíll buy one somewhere else. Goodbye!


Are we there yet?

     No. Get out and walk.


What the heck is that?

     I donít know. Itís pretty ugly, though. Until we know for sure, I think you should breathe through a damp cloth and wear latex gloves when you touch it.


More coffee?

     Hell, yeah!


Whereís Waldo?

     Who cares?


What time is it?

     4:17 - This answer was correct when I wrote this and, henceforth, it will be correct twice a day. If it is not currently correct when you read this, well, thatís your problem.


Do you want fries with that?

     Wow, I guess I do want fries with. I hadnít realized until you asked just how much I do want fries. Thank God youíre here to assist me with you wisdom and guidance or I would simply have settled for getting what I actually ordered. I probably would have starved without your help. I would have, at least, been a bit peckish later. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All praise the counter help. On second thought, no, I donít want fries. Thanks anyway.


What is it, Lassie? Timmy fell down the well?

     Uh, yeah. Woof. Timmy fell down the well. Thatís it. Itís not like I killed him and buried him in the backyard because he ticked me off with that stupid pretending-to-throw-the-ball trick. No, nothing like that. He fell down the well. Just like you said. Yeah. Uh, woof.


Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

     Itís a banana. Iím not happy to see you at all. I canít stand you. Iím going to sit here and eat my banana until you go away.


Hey, Dogg, whut up?

     Gosh, T-Biskit, thingsíre just swell. Golly.








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